rumpusparable

i've been out of the military for about 5yrs, i believe, and i still have the occasional nightmare... the more upsetting ones are strange in content and form. the one that caused me to mention it here is one of the oddest and worst, it came to mind because of other discussions on other boards.

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i'm in a group while standing around in a social situation of the sort directly before or after a formation or maybe during a break on a training day... i seem to be or say something wrong that causes one of those awkward & malicious-silence moments..

then, the group starts laying hands on me, lift me as i struggle unable to move, locked in place by their hands as they have another set of people repeatedly burn the soles of my feet.

the pain is there, but the terror of knowing it's coming each time, my mind just getting overwhelmed with wanting them to stop, trying to pull my feet back towards my body as they keep my legs stretched out to burn me again is suffocating.

i don't know how to describe it to put across what i feel during it. if you've ever been held down and hurt, you know.
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i'm glad i don't have them often, and especially not that one often. i know generally what it's about and all, no huge mystery... now that i've let it out i don't want to talk about or think about it anymore right now, so i'll end this entry here.