ruiner

GAH! It's fucking cloudy today. No rain. No sign of a thunder storm. It makes me mad when it's just cloudy, I mean it's still 85 degrees out but if it's not going to rain or theres no storm I want the sun. Oh well not much I can do about it. I'm bored again. I had a bunch of people over and we went swimming today despite the clouds, but now they are all gone and I have to wait till tonight to do something else. I wish they would all go out in the day more because theres not really much to do at night here and the day is so much better at least in the summers.

Hrmmm what else. I feel like I'm doing nothing latley. Even though I am going to school I don't have a job. I refuse to get one for the summer since I moved back because I just want freedom. I've been having this feeling at the pit of my stomach that my lifes not going the way I want it to. I enjoy school but I am such a god damn slacker I am only pulling of what I need to so I can go to the next class. I have no vision of what I want to be later in life and it's starting to bug me. Theres so many things I love to do, just doing them on a set schedule drives me away. I could go to some tech school and work at a computer for the rest of my life but I know for sure I don't want to do that. I have to be active.

I have my winters set for part time jobs at least until I break my back again. I teach kids to ski or snowboard whatever one the pass needs. It's a good job but I hate it on powder days because all I want to do it strap on my board and go by myself. To bad I can't take the kids back country with me, that would not be good

I think I'm going to be a nomad for the rest of my life. I say that knowing it will never happen but there are so many places I want to see. I know that won't happen because I need my family and friends. There is nothing more important to me then them. It's not like I rely on them for emotional support or anything I keep everything to myself unless it's a huge deal. I just like having a concrete relationship with people. I like to know the way they work and things like that.

I have a feeling if I never get out of this town again I won't get any new friens lol. The friends I have are the best I could ask for. Theres only like 4 main people I hang out with but I never seem to get sick of them, Besides theres always plenty of other variable people I hang out with besides the constants.

I've been rambling about just a few of my problems cause the clouds are making me sad today. DAMN THEM Oh well theres not really much I can do about them. Tommorows another day and if it's nice and I'm nice everything will turn out just fine. But I hate living for tommorow. I just want today to be good then I can worry about tommorow when it comes. But as youve read already I'm worried about the future so I'm a hypocrite to my own little philosophy but that's ok at least I know when I'm being a hypocrite I'm down now I hope everyone is having a better day than I

Quote of the day: Been thinking a lot today - Ben Folds - Army

Oooooooo UPDATE UPDATE: I just heard thunder maybe I will have a good day after all

Update of an update: Went outside to have a smoke and there was RAIN.

Update of an update of an update lol: Massive lighting striking ground, high winds, massive hail, it's so fucking beautifull I'm going to the top of my hill wich looks over both valleys the perfect fucking place I'm gone for now