I got a little restless, so I decided to update my photos.



I couldn't sleep. A night filled with welcomed tears and despair. I climbed into to bed with fresh sentiments of a new fantasy, yet as I slowly drifted into the comfortableness of myself other thoughts came slashing through. No longer was I focused on bliss, but every day tragedies instead.

Like I knew, April is not coming. That was easily enough expected, but that wasn't all.

When they said that I didn't have to work this year, I naturally assumed that meant I would be on some kind of allowance, but what it actually translated out to is them giving me a little here and a little there so that I am constantly broke. I know school is costing a fortune, but I still feel mislead. It actually pains me to call and ask for money just so that I can accomplish the most trivial of things. Most times I just wait for them to realize that I don't have any and send me money on their own accord. Don't say it if you don't mean it. I have never felt so burdensome. It's disgusting.

I should have noticed something was off with me when I started sleeping through the days again. No longer am I yearning for anything, I am just wallowing in denial. If I don't think about it, then maybe it won't matter.

I met a new guy, his name is Jay, he is 25, funny, and we connect in way that I feel we can learn a lot from each other, yet I'm not interested sexually or otherwise. We talk and laugh and I know he likes me, but I still haven't found the words to say that it can't be. I can't be satisfied.

I made a good friend here. Melissa is great, but something is off. When we are in a crowd and I am silent, then she falls silent, and when I speak she turns to speak over me. When I want then she wants, and it's a cycle of never-ending frustration. When she drinks, she sobs, and when she is sober she sings a song of self deprecation.

Our floor is like a sorority, and strangely enough they accept me quite well to my own astonishment. Everyone is so pleasant and wonderful, but it feels like wet denim sometimes. And in a single second it all flashed before me, and my hand dropped, my fantasy was gone, and I was startled by tears of frustration. Just in time for another sunrise.