rubydoll

It's too lonely outside my bedroom walls. In here, I am enough to make me smile and laugh. I am enough to keep me feeling wanted and entertained, but once I am out there it all freezes on numb. I am perpetually bored with the social life that I have created, and if I fake one more smile I think I might slam my head through my windshield. Working gives me no kind of satisfaction, and lately I have gone from being mad, to plain out being sad at the condition the place is in.



I suppose I am happy overall, I'm just lonely. People only seem to come around when they need something like advice or a ride. Enough. All I want is to be someone's priority and have someone to call at three in the morning to ramble too. I don't need the sex, money, or false hope. I just need their time. All I've ever wanted was time. I don't need to be told I am beautiful or that I am loved; I need someone to share my bed and kiss me before they leave. The simple things can never be understood. I don't think boys understand me at all. I guess it is hard to understand that I don't need to be wined and dined or taken on a shopping spree. How hard is it to understand that none of that matters?



I need kisses, hugs, laughter, conversation, compassion, a bedmate, & time. In a way I just described a whore, but really, it seems like a whore could service me better than any of the people in my life ever could. At least they are honest and stay the night if you ask.



Sometimes I wonder why I force myself to leave this room at all.

Besides that, this weekend is looking pomising. It's Father's Day on Sunday, and I can't wait. I love giving my dad presents and spending time with him. He is too funny. I am planning on making him take endless pictures with me. At least I'm his priority.



(Chin up Stiggy, someone else is going through a shitty time of it too. )