rubberduckytat

Tonight after sitting through a truly awful horror movie, and making my two and only friends out here in new mexico watch Bill Hicks stand up (thank you Netflix) I realize I dont have a drug story (good or bad) damn its enough to make me feel almost innocent. A.U. told his stories and so did Dee, yet all I had to add to the convo was I smoked pot once, and it gave me really bad nightmares. Ill stick to the stuff that makes me stupid (alcohol) and kills me (alcohol and cigarettes). I dont really have a problem when it comes to drugs, most people that I like are decent people when sober so when they do what they do when they do that underline doesnt change much. The people who you wouldnt want to associate with when sober that do drugs give it a bad name. Plus addiction is addiction no matter what and turns you into a slave that will do anything to get another fix. With me, I know I have an addiction type personality so I try to stay away from most stuff and yet still find stuff to fill that niche (cigs, alcohol, sex) and I admit that Im a bitch if I dont get either of those things when I want them. So since Im not working to change myself Im not going to sit on a high horse and judge others. In general I just think people suck and I dont want anything to do with them, those of who are patient enough to breach my defenses and become someone I care about are special and very few.
Apparently tonight is the night to take stalk in your life unlike that whole New Years Eve wish list. That was curtsy of Dee, shes into the whole new age stuff. I love her like a sister, just like I love AU like a brother that didnt blow his brains out, but still new age and or religion no thank you. We live we die end of story, if you need to do things to make you feel better about yourself then that negates it all (helping and charity wise) if you are just honest about being out for yourself then Id at least talk to you for a moment or so. Maybe its just me probably is. I am getting really tired at pretending I care to others just to get what I want (sex), I dont know I guess my new thought is from now on I am going to be honest about the whole one night stand thing, you are just here to fulfill what I need at the moment (self hatred), and visa versa, dont contact me afterward for I will not you.