You know that feeling you get in the back of your eyes after crying so hard and for so long you can't cry anymore?
I've got it. Not only do I have it now, right this minute, but I can't seem to bring myself to let it go away. I sit and focus on that dull ache my eyes have when I make them see, open, blink, move, exist. I sort of like it? I don't know. I have always struggled with masochism.
Right now I have such a deep sense of loss and grief that I do not even know what to do with myself. One minute I decide I'm going to clean the house, the next I'm sitting on the couch with my face buried in my baby girl's fur sobbing my face off.
Kudos to every dog, everywhere that has ever let their owner cry tears directly into their fur; like my baby girl. I know she hates it when I get like this. But no matter how much she hates it when I ball up her fur in my fists, with it poking out in between my fingers, tears going everywhere and sobs shaking my body, no matter how much she hates it, will she ever not let me do it. In fact, she deserves a fucking rack of lamb for putting up with me lately.
Picture it: me, in my disheveled attire sitting on the couch, watching bad tv, when the need to cry overwhelms me and she just walks up, looks into my eyes with hers, jumps on the couch and lays her head in my lap. Next, fur grabbing, face-to-fur and tears contact. She rocks.
Best damn dog. Ever.
I've got it. Not only do I have it now, right this minute, but I can't seem to bring myself to let it go away. I sit and focus on that dull ache my eyes have when I make them see, open, blink, move, exist. I sort of like it? I don't know. I have always struggled with masochism.
Right now I have such a deep sense of loss and grief that I do not even know what to do with myself. One minute I decide I'm going to clean the house, the next I'm sitting on the couch with my face buried in my baby girl's fur sobbing my face off.
Kudos to every dog, everywhere that has ever let their owner cry tears directly into their fur; like my baby girl. I know she hates it when I get like this. But no matter how much she hates it when I ball up her fur in my fists, with it poking out in between my fingers, tears going everywhere and sobs shaking my body, no matter how much she hates it, will she ever not let me do it. In fact, she deserves a fucking rack of lamb for putting up with me lately.
Picture it: me, in my disheveled attire sitting on the couch, watching bad tv, when the need to cry overwhelms me and she just walks up, looks into my eyes with hers, jumps on the couch and lays her head in my lap. Next, fur grabbing, face-to-fur and tears contact. She rocks.
Best damn dog. Ever.
VIEW 14 of 14 COMMENTS
I"m just upset over this stupid boy. If he would just get the hint and MOVE THE FUCK OUT already, I would be able to take the time to heal myself. Instead, I get to deal with all of his shit on a constant basis. I KNOW THINGS WILL GET BETTER. At least, that is my personal mantra right now. Regardless, thank you all for your LOVE.
I love you all back.
oxox
~R