rowanmayfair

Went to get a new tattoo today directly below my neck, something old school like a horse shoe with a banner saying Lucky. I'm at that point now where I really HAVE to get tattooed. I need the pain as an escape from all the things bothering me big & small. At least I would have a good 3 hrs where I'm focusing on physical pain instead emotional pain. So I get there & of course they're closed. I felt like a drug addict that can't score. My therapist once said that I have the same mentality as a cutter only someone else is doing the cutting. Sometimes I think my shrink needs a shrink So I took my tattoo money & went shopping at Torrid.

Tonight I'm going to my friend Eddies bbq. All my friends that are going are musicians so I'm sure there will be impromtu acoustic sets all night long. I'm only going for a few hours, to pick up some green stuff , meet my friends new boyfriend, & possibly sing a few songs. I can't hang with the big boys anymore, I'm usually asleep by 11pm. Tomorrow I'm going to a bbq with T. It's the 1st time I'll be meeting his friends... all at once so it's anxiety provoking. I used to have major major social anxiery disorder. for years I stopped going anywhere or doing anything. People would invite me, I'd accept, & wouldnt show. It was a longstanding joke to all my friends because they all thought I was being flakey. But the thought of having to talk to people, even people I'd known for years was terriffing & literally made me sick. Thank god I'm not like that anymore though at times I do get slightly anxious but it passes.

So to all my darling friens, have a safe 4th, don't drink & drive or blow a finger off XOXO