rowan

Hello folks.

I just want to say thank you to everyone who wrote me a testimonial. Sometimes you just need to hear that kinda stuff, ya know?

Well, when my dad and I went to go sign the papers yesterday, the first thing out of his mouth was how ugly my piercing was and how stupid it was. Then he had nothing to talk about...cept for my lazy approach to life and my lack of drive. He said that the whole family was embarrassed by me.

Sorry I am such a disappointment to you.

I got the house totally clean yesterday. Such a relief! Now when I get home, I can just chill.

*sigh

Are we going out tonight, Tazo? What is the deal?

Are we going to double date this weekend, Sonnet? We are up for anything...

I am going to stay after school an hour to study for my upcoming test. I don't really want to, but it's the only way I study. If I go home, then I play all evening instead of doing what I need to.

I am humming "Putting on the Ritz."

I feel like I need to scratch my ass, but I am in the library...hmmm....

Love you all. Chat with you later. I will comment on your journals tonight. ♥

XOXO
~JAx


~^~~^~~^~~^~~^~

My world just fell apart around me like a tower on glass.

She left.

She wrote these things once.....and now she's gone. You can read if you wish. It is a lot of words. They mean more to me than you will ever know. She canceled her account here, and I didn't want these things to disappear...So here they are...making me smile and stabbing me at the same time...



i sound like milk and she is just beautiful.
we do catch stars between our toes;
short,.. her and toes.
oh catch a romance in a net,
if only that simple.
butterfly wings so silent..
we mutter no more than a whisper
exchange in looks
hearts for pleasure
thoughts for moments.

and i am to love without question an involved american girl who makes ones heart beat faster than r.e.m

i couldn't love without a heart
owned by romantisism
no chance of fate;
could determine my inevitability

sporadically placed between,
the lines and creases,
seperated by vowels
and written in verses

dropped by two different oceans
time and time again
wheels forced by motions
minds always the same

a love grown by hope
always forced into situations
machines by nature
weak by nuture

i am thinking a little much about bruiser. she called me earlier and i talked warble shit as usual and ive no money to ask her to call again.. my fav fav colour is red.. and then yellow and blue.. and orange.. warm childlike colours.. oh i wanna speak again now.......!!!! *considering topping phone up with monopoly money.. damn this.. damn. XXX Bruise.. call me noooooooooooooooooooow

I knew you last week, for a brief moment. our eyes caught across the playground and for a second every thought u had was my own. this week i can't remember your face, your voice a memory tucked away behind boxes and dust. where do we stand now? love, love plenty. i cannot even be jealous anymore. i am too tired.

will i run away with you for ten days or more, maybe more.. you, to capture me in a smile did catch the second i loved u without question. and now i rest myself for the slaying because i know it is the only way.

The Timid Fool [6:25 PM]: I wish you didn't feel so awkward. Maybe if I just keep telling you you're pretty, it will eventually sink in. I wouldn't lie to you, I don't have that kind of time

"think i'm going for a walk now
i feel a little unsteady
i don't want nobody to follow me
'cept maybe you
i could make you happy you know
if you weren't already
i could do a lot of things
and i do"

*so you are with Rawb and besotted with Red, *confused*"
- that makes me smile. the rest of the world is as confused as i am. well.. was.. mmm.

the emotional depravation of a starved heart seeks comfort in many ways. often searching through piles of discarded rubbish to find some sort of memoir to cherish and keep for the sake of the memory of someone who did love them just the way they wanted. that itch only one person knew how to scratch. to understand how to love many a person we just look at the way we love family and friends.. we love in different ways dependant on the person we are regarding; to be involved emotionally with two people does not mean you love either any less-it just means they satisfy different needs (obviously being an ocean apart im not satisfying any sexual needs.. or emotional/physical comfort).. i am.. that star that guides, only cuz it is pretty. the smile that warms, just because it was from a strager. all the pretty things in the world could never touch the comfort you give me.. but i dont say that out aloud, because i am shy.. hesitant and still confused even though i have explained to everyone else perfectly well..

hi.. nice to meet you... im Red..

i want to talk to you.. but i can only seem to consider lyrics. my words are alien like. indirectly fused into some language i was never taught. i need to apologise. im not sure what for. it all seems too sad to mention. i cant .. i dont know what to say. i dont know what i am feeling. i dont understand. this doesnt make sense.




She left me.
Gone.
Red.

Don't leave me here. Alone and in the dark.

I'm afraid of the dark.