rouke

Being Alone

Sitting in a crowded threater with hundred of people sitting all around you and feeling like you're the only one in the threater.

Laying in bed next to your spouse and knowing she doesn't really love you. Not the way married couples should love each other. She married you because you were safe.

Sitting in an empty room and realizing your just one person among billions and no one knows your there.

Have sex with your partner and knowing they are a million miles apart from you. Feeling like they are doing it becuase the have too.

I feel so alone right now. I know, it's self imposed, but it still sucks.

These feelings come and go. They don't happen as much anymore, but they are a lot stronger now. I thought in 9 months time I wouldn't have them anymore.

Someone told me to let them come in and greet them at my door. That they are only guest in my house and they will leave when it is time to go.

I have been angry lately and not sure why. I am sure it has something with losing the house and having to give up my dog. But, I believe it is deeper then that and I haven't come up with a answer that feels right. I think I am angry at myself for allowing it to happen more then anything else.