rott3nappl3s

i think this feeling must be something close to mania. i don't really like feeling nice, because i understand the nature of frequency and undulation. and since i so rarely feel good, a noticeable high may predict another gut-punch low. but maybe not. i'm low on self-medication, though, so we'll probably know real soon! : D

next week i at least have a show with a band that draws, so there'll be something to do that's half-way interesting. and then i go to sleep and get up and get in a car and drive across the country, maybe. i mean, it looks like a pretty solid yes at this point, i just have to get things lined up. you know what i mean. functional addiction is just fine if they allow you to function, but you can't, always.

that's the second time today i've noticed that i'm blaming "them" with only a vague notion of who "they" are. that's some healthy paranoia! right now there's a prison show on msnbc, because there's no remote around and rachel maddow is over this is the shit they show on friday nights after rachel maddow and it makes me sick, these fucking prison shows, this fucking prison system. this fucking prison world. boo-hoo! : D

i should absolutely not be playing poker right now. i feel nice and poker is a game of hatred and self-loathing. i should go drive around places and not stop because there's nothing to do there, except maybe for the smoke shop and that's only because there may be a couple folks i could say hi to, and i need smokes. this town sucks. this town sucks. without a girl, this town sucks.

with one, i could endure anything.

frailty, thy name is...