wow i just screamed a little
i'm not sure if it was a real scream or not but how can you tell and if you can't i guess it must be, because even if you're being dramatic you're still doing it, i mean you're still going there, you're still indulging in such a primal fucking moment of terror that it might as well be real at that moment
stanislovski would approve
i remember the first time before this and it was several years ago and i was lost in toronto and we'd just had to go get my car out of hock after i'd had to wire money from my parents because i was broke and i had to spend the night moving from coffeeshop to coffeeshop because it was freezing and i kept falling asleep but i was running low on loonies and we were driving back to where she was staying and she said something like "you know you and i will never date" and i know how she meant it, like can't you appreciate our humanness and can't we rise above these sex roles, but i knew what it meant, and that is why, after i dropped her off, and she said hey, come see dr. strangelove with me, it's playing, and i said i can't because i have to get going and i'm about to lose it, and then i watched her walk away and knew i'd never see her again and then i lost it and officially became an observer to probably the very depths of existential pain
i'm not purely sure why it happened this time, except i suppose that i'm feeling so box trapped locked in bound frozen not unlike that moment when i had to see what hell this all is, and i guess that's sort of how i'm feeling right now
yeah this was one of those kind of blogs
i'm not sure if it was a real scream or not but how can you tell and if you can't i guess it must be, because even if you're being dramatic you're still doing it, i mean you're still going there, you're still indulging in such a primal fucking moment of terror that it might as well be real at that moment
stanislovski would approve
i remember the first time before this and it was several years ago and i was lost in toronto and we'd just had to go get my car out of hock after i'd had to wire money from my parents because i was broke and i had to spend the night moving from coffeeshop to coffeeshop because it was freezing and i kept falling asleep but i was running low on loonies and we were driving back to where she was staying and she said something like "you know you and i will never date" and i know how she meant it, like can't you appreciate our humanness and can't we rise above these sex roles, but i knew what it meant, and that is why, after i dropped her off, and she said hey, come see dr. strangelove with me, it's playing, and i said i can't because i have to get going and i'm about to lose it, and then i watched her walk away and knew i'd never see her again and then i lost it and officially became an observer to probably the very depths of existential pain
i'm not purely sure why it happened this time, except i suppose that i'm feeling so box trapped locked in bound frozen not unlike that moment when i had to see what hell this all is, and i guess that's sort of how i'm feeling right now
yeah this was one of those kind of blogs
I couldn't imagine having to do that sort of thing as you did in Toronto, going from coffee shop to coffee shop. I've done it in New York, but that was during the summer and instead of coffee shops I went from bar to bar. I am constantly thankful to whatever Gods there are that I was homeless in July and not January.