I got this email from a friend a few days ago.
Subject: Know the Bible...particularly Leviticus!
Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality, who
dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio
show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot
be condoned under any circumstance. The following
response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a
US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's
funny, as well as thought-provoking.
******************************************
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate. I do need some advice
from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness
- Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have
tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself,
or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should
they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of
a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair, like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
Homer Simpson-Caldwell
After reading it I of course laughed my ass off, I then went onto the christian coalition's web site, found their email address and SENT IT TO THEM!!! I was having a smart ass day.
Subject: Know the Bible...particularly Leviticus!
Laura Schlesinger is a US radio personality, who
dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio
show. On her radio show recently, she said that, as an
observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an
abomination, according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot
be condoned under any circumstance. The following
response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, penned by a
US resident, which was posted on the Internet. It's
funny, as well as thought-provoking.
******************************************
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people
regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from
your show, and try to share that knowledge with as
many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the
homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind
them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an
abomination... End of debate. I do need some advice
from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves,
both male and female, provided they are purchased from
neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this
applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you
clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as
sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what
do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman
while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness
- Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have
tried asking, but most women take offense.
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I
know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -
Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the
odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the
Sabbath. Exodus 35:2. clearly states he should be put
to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself,
or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating
shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a
lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree.
Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of
abomination?
7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar
of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit
that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be
20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed,
including the hair around their temples, even though
this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should
they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of
a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play
football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by
planting two different crops in the same field, as
does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He
also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really
necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the
whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private
family affair, like we do with people who sleep with
their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and
thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so
I am confident you can help. Thank you again for
reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
Homer Simpson-Caldwell
After reading it I of course laughed my ass off, I then went onto the christian coalition's web site, found their email address and SENT IT TO THEM!!! I was having a smart ass day.
theshadowduke:
I probably would have done the same thing. Good find.