so this week has pretty much sucked..and i dont mean to come right off the bat and start bitching, but its just how i feel (i mean..thats the idea of a journal right?)
so i finally made it home from buffalo late fri nite only to come home to the news of my papa's death (grandfather) who was like a father to me. I felt like I could just die. I cried for hours and i felt suffocated. i couldn't breathe. so im slowly coming to grips now and realizing that this is it..the glue that has held this DYSFUNCTIONAL (And yes..i meant that all CAPS) family together is now gone and all bonds are broken and all gloves are off...and i'll prolly never see over half of these people i called "family" for 20 years and thats sad. They wil get their money and inheritance and fucking split..and thats dick. i hate goldiggers and thats sadly what it all boils down to..MONEY..what ever happened to respect?..
and it feels like ive been to too many funerals in the past 2 months..everyones dying..is it me? am i giving off some kind of reaper pheremone or something? i mean wtf.
i am a strong person, a soldier my papa used to say....so in his honor i shall keep on trucking..but only for you papa (and maybe for me)..
i feel alone and upset and scared but then i realize that he is happy and pain free and that i have these amazing friends and father that are tand will be there for me at any time no questions asked ..and iTHAT is all the family ill ever need.
so i finally made it home from buffalo late fri nite only to come home to the news of my papa's death (grandfather) who was like a father to me. I felt like I could just die. I cried for hours and i felt suffocated. i couldn't breathe. so im slowly coming to grips now and realizing that this is it..the glue that has held this DYSFUNCTIONAL (And yes..i meant that all CAPS) family together is now gone and all bonds are broken and all gloves are off...and i'll prolly never see over half of these people i called "family" for 20 years and thats sad. They wil get their money and inheritance and fucking split..and thats dick. i hate goldiggers and thats sadly what it all boils down to..MONEY..what ever happened to respect?..
and it feels like ive been to too many funerals in the past 2 months..everyones dying..is it me? am i giving off some kind of reaper pheremone or something? i mean wtf.
i am a strong person, a soldier my papa used to say....so in his honor i shall keep on trucking..but only for you papa (and maybe for me)..
i feel alone and upset and scared but then i realize that he is happy and pain free and that i have these amazing friends and father that are tand will be there for me at any time no questions asked ..and iTHAT is all the family ill ever need.
im so sorry.
you know im here if you need me.