Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

rorschach

Los Angeles (Arcadia), CA

Member Since 2004

Followers 81 Following 80

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Jun 27, 2011

Jun 27, 2011
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email


Ok so I've been meaning to write another blog for a while but I keep on being so stressed out and the last several weekends in a row, barring one I think when I was on-call and had to work all weekend...I think it's something in the house...


I haven't been able to work on my pics from Big 4. I really have to get them done this week or I'll already have Anime Expo and Mayhem Fest in two weekends in a row, then one on-call weekend at home, then San Diego ComicCon and Otakon! Then a month off...I want to get these pics done before July or I'll have another four events' of pics on top of Big 4. Should be cool as I have my new camera and it has manual zoom...so good.

Ok so the next part is a bit private. I'm putting it in my journal as...well, it's MY journal. Sometimes you have something you want to say that you can't say aloud and in old times, wise people would advise you to carve a hole in a tree and shout it in there or something. Well, this is my "hole in a tree" as the person it's to, that person doesn't read my journals anyway.

SPOILERS! (Click to view)

The funny thing is that this isn't really to a person...at least not a real person in any sense. It's to a person who was some sort of aspect of my imagination and a "representative" of another person. I had a deep level of affection for this person who I later found out was just a figment that this person was pretending to be. I don't care for the person at all anymore. Everything she had pretended to be in good times, she wound up being the opposite in bad times...in other words, a hypocrite. But with the aspect, figment, whatever, this idealized persona, with her I need closure. Because she was the most beautiful girl I had ever met.

I found everything that I had been feeling pretty much summed up in the lyrics of a song...a song I once had hoped would never be about me but one day recently, I found out it now was about me.

~
Is it getting better? Do you feel the same?
Will it make it easier on you now, you got someone to blame?

You say,
One love, one life...when it's one need in the night.
One love, we get to share it, leaves you baby when you don't care for it

Did I disappoint you or leave a bad taste in your mouth?
You act like you've never had love and you want me to go without.

Well it's too late tonight to drag the past out into the light.

We're one, but we're not the same...
We get to carry each other, carry each other...

Have you come here for forgiveness; have you come to raise the dead?
Have you come here to play Jesus to the lepers in your head?

Did I ask too much, more than a lot?
You gave me nothing, now it's all I got.

We're one, but we're not the same...
We hurt each other, and we do it again...

You say,
Love is a temple, love's the higher law
Love is the temple, love the higher law.

You ask me to enter and then you make me crawl...
And I can't be holding on to what you got, when all you got is hurt!

One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should.
One life, with each other, sisters, brothers.

One life, but we're not the same...
We get to carry each other, carry each other...

One
~

All I can say is this. It's a privilege for each of us to know the other...not just for me to know you. It wasn't easy out of all the billions of people on this earth, all of the time that has come and will still come to pass that we were able to find each other at this one speck in time. With all of the people who have died and who have never been born... We should be kind to each other. But instead I found myself regretting having fallen for someone I never imagined to be so self-centered and cruel.



For those of you who didn't read, here's a vid:



Anyways, so IRL, I've made a new friend. She's pretty much been carrying me and although she's local, she's an hour away. So for every con, and maybe some other events we figure out, we're going to start hanging out. All of the time. She's everything I've ever wanted in a gal pal, in terms of fun and just "getting me." I already have one special person who is there for me who will catch me so I don't fall too far, which, ashamedly, I've gone too her way too many times and she's always there; but that person is far away and I get to visit her once a year. Now I have a person who will be around constantly and help me get ahead as well. I'm very, very lucky to have both. J

I'm just going to call her by her nickname, Dae. We're sharing a room along with a couple of other girls (it's my room, they're piling in, a welcome addition to what would normally be a lonely solo room.) at Anime Expo. She has this really unique ability to turn on the boys and the girls! Because we're both Dom (and notice for those of you who know BDSM protocol, I didn't call her Domme), she not only gets me, she knows that I'm the kind of guy who, as a Dom, is the warm and generous type rather than the hard and cruel type. So she's trying to set me up possibly with this girl she's very close with (which is ringing endorsement, I must say)...ironically this girl was my favorite profile on this "dating site" I've been on and I liked her so much, she was the one who I was afraid to message! And now, through a total twist of fate, I'm getting "set up" with her a bit...and she'll be one of the roomies at AX. If anything else happens, I'll refer to her as "Q. " Q's profile fits very well with who I am and what I'm looking for...someone who wants a boy like me who is very romantic outside the bedroom and can be dynamic, rough and energetic inside of it. J

So now all of the trips...AX originally was a one day thing but now I'll be there all of the days. I get a free dealer's badge as always.

Mayhem Fest, in No. Cal. is still on with my little gal pal "Ale." I found us front row AA seats so that will be badass.

SDCC, I'll probably make one or two day appearance on the weekdays, maybe with Dae and possibly with Q, and I'll check out the SG booth as well. No pressure to find anyone this time unlike last time.
Otakon, will be going solo...don't know who I'll see there other than "M," the one who is my special safety net friend; we'll be going to the Aquarium there too, yay! Next year, if I go again, I'll probably bring both Dae and Q to come along...and maybe, just maybe, some other people here on SG who couldn't make the roadie this time.

Then August will be the month off.

Then Big 4 in New York City! Still planning that one...I'll probably buy everything after AX, plane tix, event tix and hotel.

Stay tuned!

- R
.><.



elliott:
Wow! Sounds like you have a lot of con goodness coming up! And all those girls staying in your room?! heh heh heh I envy you for these things!! wink

One day I am determined to make it out to either Otakon or SDCC, I just have to get the funds and means of travel. A girl can dream...!

Also, I just wanted to say best of luck on your date with this lady! biggrin It's awesome that you've been an admirer of hers for awhile and now a date is coming to fruition! Woot!!
xxxx
Jun 27, 2011
elliott:
Oooh! The manga arrived today! You are the best!! Thank you so much dude! I'm gonna read it curled up in bed with a hot chocolate. kiss
Jun 29, 2011

More Blogs

  • 12.26.16
    0

    Monday

    The last few days I've had nothing but George Michael on my mind.…
  • 08.19.16
    0

    Friday

    On a plane to Puerto Rico, then a ship to the southern Caribbean is…
  • 01.07.16
    1

    Galapagos Day 2, 3 and 4

    Sorry it's taking so long...after I got back from my trip, I've bee…
  • 06.01.15
    4

    Galapagos - Day 1 Adventures!

    So the previous blog was from the day we landed. This is Day 1 of …
  • 05.26.15
    1

    Galapagos...Overdue pics

    Well I'm back, it was a rough trip but it kicked my ass in a g…
  • 04.01.15
    2

    In two weeks I will be traveling to South America and staying on the …

    I've been so busy at work, I've lost the passion to edit photos but…
  • 10.04.14
    1

    Third Shoot, Part 1 of 3 - Huntington Library

    I got a chance to hit up the Huntington Library, half immaculately…
  • 09.20.14
    2

    Second shoot with the new camera...

    Basically there's one person who seems to be consistently looking a…
  • 09.15.14
    1

    Got a new camera, went to the zoo!

    For all of these pics, they turned out well but the SG preview make…
  • 09.02.14
    2

    Long Overdue SD Zoo pics

    I don't have much to say, I've been traveling a lot, working a …

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
8
months
18
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,589 SuicideGirls
  • 1,123,110 followers
  • 14,907,072 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,359,571 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo