rorie

i know i shouldnt do the things i do.
but i do anyway.
i see myself doing them, and i think.. "wow.. this is a really dumb idea.. why the fuck am i doing this" but continue on dispite my thoughts.
its like i become a completly different person.
my brain just turns off its "this is a dumb idea" switch.
and lets me do it anyway.
i leave myself full of guilt.
and dont even want to deal with me.
[can that even happen? not wanting to deal with yourself? i know it can happen with other people - example: i dont want to deal with my room-mates.] but you - yourself? i cant even be in the same room as myself some times. and theres no way to get away from that feeling.
i hate me sometimes.
but i cant stop doing the things im doing.
=================
i wish i could change my doings....
im sorry....
=================
im sorry if i have ever hurt you.
you are my love, my everything..
and i keep on fucking everything up.
i dont know what i would do without you.
and yet, i cant stop.

i just... cant.. stop......
=================