rorie

things are... what they are.. we're gunna do.. what we're gunna do. and nobody can tell you any different.
because you woudnt listen anyway.
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i torture myself.
im 'happy' now.. but in a month, ill be feeling like its ok for me to kill myself again.
i dont know why i do this to myself. its always the same thing over and over again.
i said with belief that i wouldnt. but here i am. back in th same place i was.

i know doom will come for me soon.. so it makes me feel like i could cry forever.

im not the typical girly girl who cries over things. but latelty, i cant stop.
i could not even be thinking about it.. and hear something sad.. so it pops into my head for a split second, and the water works come.
i wish there was a valve in my head like there was before.. so i could turn it off. i must have lost the button or switch. because i cant seem to find it anymore.

i keep thinking... ive been through so much before.. much worse things - why is this killing me so badly? it feels like its worse than the shit from the past. am i not as strong? what changed inside me to make me so weak? why is this causing such a distrubance in my head?

too many things.
too much to deal with.
==

its only pain.... it'll go away.