rorie

depression (d-prshn)
n.
1. The act of depressing.
2. The condition of being depressed.
2. An area that is sunk below its surroundings; a hollow.
3. The condition of feeling sad or despondent.
4. Psychology. A psychiatric disorder characterized by an inability to concentrate, insomnia, loss of appetite, anhedonia, feelings of extreme sadness, guilt, helplessness and hopelessness, and thoughts of death. Also called clinical depression.



i keep staring at things to make it go away.. at least for a little while. so i dont have to feel anything. feeling nothing is better than feeling what i am. ide rather be numb.
old habbits die hard. and im having a hard time fighting them off. sometimes, ide rahter not.. and let them take hold.. but i know what would happen if i did.
but then i think.. whats the point. i feel dead already.
some days, im alright.. others... i see the bottles and blades and wonder why even get out of bed when i could do that instead.
im tired of living paycheck to paycheck, and not being able to pay for anything i need to in the same month.. i hate where i am. i hate my surroundings. and not even having anyone to come home to, or care for me.. makes me not want to ever again.
i didnt think it would be this hard. i hate being alone.
i cant even look at myself without wanting to break the mirror, because i hate the person i see.
ive tried to think its all just gunna go away if i try and keep my head up.
but no...
its gotten worse. and i dont think i can fight it anymore.
im tired of fighting. im tired of pretending im alright...