rorie

bender.

Bran-Bran is moving out by the end of the month.
im fucked on all fronts.

if you need me... ill be in bed with my bottle of gin.
dont bother calling or knocking. i wont answer.
back in my hole.

in a serious rut.
my mom made me cry yesterday.
ive been looking at my old ways and im having trouble telling myself they are a bad idea more and more.
seriously in debt. with no way to get out of it.
jobless in less than 10 days. i havent looked for another one.
im starting to crack and show through.

sg tour = amazing.

==
ive been thinking lately about how different it is on here.. and if i still wanted to try or not.
and seeing them in person, now im really not sure.
they are perfect.
we'll see.

i keep having fucked up dreams in the few hours i actually sleep.
luke - can you do me a favor and take a tab on the monsters? cause i think more are running loose.

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i keep trying to call him. but hes never home. i need to see him in the flesh so i know that hes alright..
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give up? or keep...
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long weekend -

boys were back. starbucks. movies. giant slide? band meeting. practice space. borders. finding lost key & almost tying it to the owner. long drives. dancing in cars. skankin. Land Shark hats. cheap sun glasses. cell phone covers. glitter. baja fresh. pool.

good good..

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rehab.
im glad hes cleaned up, and ok. maybe we can start hanging out again... i miss him.
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Land Shark !!
i hope it works out.. and we can actually become something. we'll see.
we have our first meeting on sunday. more worried that they wont all get along. although.. i dont see why they wouldnt.
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boston was good. i want to...
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off to boston for the weekend!

weekend:
guitar center. buying a drum set. jackass number two. walks with sarah. starbucks. magic hat. brooks chats. chilis. lost in manchester. punch buggies. csi marathon. movies.

==

coming to terms with things.
i wonder if theres nothing there. i would hate to know later that there was, but you didnt want them. so you rejected me because of it.
=
anyone want to be...
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dog sitting.
on demand.
free food.
plushy bed with foamy memory mattress.
internet.

=
jackass tomorrow with the crew and hopefully a few newbies.
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people are telling me to give up on you. that it will never happen. for me to move on and forget it.
and we hang out.. and i have trouble keeping myself down and away from you.
not knowing what...
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gaa..


good weekend though.

world graffitti books. lazyness. sillyness. investagating. police station visit. free coffee. rescues. loving Brooks. random ridicioulous kid. magic hats. stencils. jokes. lould music. dancing in cars. sprinklers. taco bell.

yup.

i wish i had the balls to do what i want.
i have never been the person i want to be.. because i dont think i can do it.
i see how i am. and i dont like it.
to do what i want.. without a care.
...to rid you of me forever.
not to be scared. and constantly looking over my shoulder. nightmares and...
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good news! - seth and i took pictures a while ago with unknown film felt over from andy.
so i had to send them out. i got them back today. they look great.. and there were really old pics in there from andy. and i looked at them - and felt nothing.
such a good feeling. obsolved of feeling from him.
i didnt think i...
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