ronniek

It's been about fifteen months since I've kissed anyone. Fifteen months. I've only been single twelve. Odd, I know. Either way, it bothers me a little bit. I think with every month that passes, I grow a bit less comfortable with the idea of a new girl. Kissing is all well and good, but there are other problems that plague my anxiety. I won't go into details, but I had a very serious situation in the nether regions when I was 18 and can no longer have kids. Val C. is the only girl I've been with since that event and as such, I'm a bit wary of the reaction I'll get from any future women. There are scars and the psychological trauma is real. A lot of the time I wonder if I don't set myself up in impossible situations to avoid what I fear most: intimacy with a stranger. Since I left Val C., every girl I've even mildly flirted with has had a boyfriend or is lesbian. Is it simply an attempt to keep myself at a distance? I really don't know anymore. I do know the thought of someone new scares the hell out of me. At the same time, sleeping in a cold and empty bed is about the worst feeling I can imagine. It's like a nightly reminder of the empty cacoon I call an apartment.

I'm not sure where all of this is supposed to go. It's just been on my mind. If you're really curious about the details of the situation/operation and/or the effects of the event which keep me afraid of new women, message. I'm not shy, but I spare the "grotesque" and "lewd" for the sake of my passive readers.

Thanks for reading.

Bona nota.