rokko

Everyone could so easily noticed that I was so depressed today.
For cab drivers, people at a clinic and my friend.

I could not smile or talk anything except Hi.
I could not eat at all either.

My friend is going back to Tokyo until Saturday, for his work. Now he is preparing and packing his stuffs, and keep asking me if I'm alright. But I never look at him, or answer him. I know it's rude, but I don't know how to smile or how to talk now. I know what he is afraid of. I wrote a note, and passed it to him. "leave 4-5 tranquilizers, just in case", that's what I wrote. He is worried if I'm going to take them all at once again. Actually, I am afraid that I might do that again, too.

I'm not in a mood for writing letters or cards at all today.
Not writing is increasing my stresses and depressions, but I am not in the mood for doing or thinking anything. If I could know when I'd be getting like this, I don't make people worried about me. I hate my rude behaviors.

Oh, I talked to him an hour ago. I said "thanks", because he let me use his creditcard for purchasing some items from SG shop. When I gave his card back to him, I said "thanks", and it was my second time to hear my voice myself.

I am nothing.