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roguestenography

Canada

Member Since 2005

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Thursday Jun 16, 2005

Jun 15, 2005
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Minus the bear is wonderful. I Love that band. Fuck revolutionary hardcore, botch can go to hell, I like the guitarist much better in this incarnation. Some people have no taste.

Asdies from the things that make up the days that pass, theres not a whole hell of a lot people do. Seriously. Directionless? What the fuck is it that people are endlessly progressing towards? Where the hell is the notion of future achievement being fueled from? How many people lose idealism based on keeping a job, keeping a career, or some idiot dellusion alive that just eats them.

How many times have you spent nights lieing awake filling ashtrays, letting repititious thoughs slowly mill down everything else?

I'm being cynical, and speculatory.

Don't get me wrong, I'm actually quite upbeat. I really can only remember three low spots in the past year. All of them involved me breaking it off with someone.

Speaking of which, pretty sure I'm asexual. Not in a realistic, and literal sense like the vast minority that actually exits, but simply in that I just don't want sex or normal relationships. In part I joined this site because I was horny, and it seemed a little more sincere and less sleezy - its lost its charm. Just marketing really. You can buy and sell anything, and apparently slightly alternative values are commodious. *shrugs* aw well.

Anyways as I was saying. Those things aren't paramount. Romance - thats fuckin paramount, but not commitment, not routine, not repition. I just can't live through feeling like a fraud every morning with a peck on the cheek and a long walk to work.

Lemme paraphrase something for a second: When a wise eldrer was once asked about his morality he said there were two dogs within him fighting for control, one was his good nature, love generosity and compassion, and other was his cruelty and greed, and other bad adjectives. When asked which one was winning - he said whichever he feeds the most.

Sometimes I think I feed the asshole a little too much - especailly in self righteous ranting. Enter millstone. Enter black dog. Enter narration, and me thinking thats kinda trite.

I like underoath a lot, and have my first game with the anarchist soccer team tomorrow. Today I had my nose bloodied at practise. The people in the sev weren't good enough to tell me there was dried blood all over my face when I went there after practise. I spent a good three minutes wondering why everyone was staring.
apnea:
smile
Jun 15, 2005

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