I again finding myself stooping to the childlike mindset of looking for places to hide from mom and dad.
A grown adult should not have to do this. But What is the alternative? Sitting at the desk waiting for things to happen? Studying for fake college classes that im not really taking? Reading Navy technical manuals? If the goal is to stay awake those are not the answers. So I am left with sneaking off. Taking long and pretend shits? Walking back to my car and hoping no one finds me? I could legitimately kill a couple hours by running off to my apartment during lunch. But that still leaves six to eight hours of nothingness. Yay. Not everyday is like this. At random we get jobs to work, or job packages to review. But Most are like this. Voids filled with nothing.(a redundant statement i know) I also ask myself over and over, "how do I get out of this?", when I know the answer. Which is I can't. At least not yet. I suppose I should be happy that most the time I am getting paid to do nothing. But doe this man seriously expect a person to fill six to eight hours a day solely with study? Maybe there are people out there who could take that, but I am not one of them. I could quickly go inside. I have a restless mind that craves new input like Johnny5. You can't trap me in a room with two possible subjects and expect anything productive to come out of it. This is killing my drive right now and I hate it. The more people squeeze me the more I loose motivation. Don't get me wrong, I love to be pushed a bit. But this is not pushing. This is no challenge. This is stagnation and anti-progress. You might as well force me to become one of the sheep that go to church every sunday without every really thinking about why they do it. And it seems that I have a year and a half left of this. I don't know where or to what sort of state my mindset is heading, but I cannot see how it is anywhere near good.
And there it is. That same question with the same shitty answer.
How can I get out of this?
You cant.
-rogue "going fucking nuts" mind.
A grown adult should not have to do this. But What is the alternative? Sitting at the desk waiting for things to happen? Studying for fake college classes that im not really taking? Reading Navy technical manuals? If the goal is to stay awake those are not the answers. So I am left with sneaking off. Taking long and pretend shits? Walking back to my car and hoping no one finds me? I could legitimately kill a couple hours by running off to my apartment during lunch. But that still leaves six to eight hours of nothingness. Yay. Not everyday is like this. At random we get jobs to work, or job packages to review. But Most are like this. Voids filled with nothing.(a redundant statement i know) I also ask myself over and over, "how do I get out of this?", when I know the answer. Which is I can't. At least not yet. I suppose I should be happy that most the time I am getting paid to do nothing. But doe this man seriously expect a person to fill six to eight hours a day solely with study? Maybe there are people out there who could take that, but I am not one of them. I could quickly go inside. I have a restless mind that craves new input like Johnny5. You can't trap me in a room with two possible subjects and expect anything productive to come out of it. This is killing my drive right now and I hate it. The more people squeeze me the more I loose motivation. Don't get me wrong, I love to be pushed a bit. But this is not pushing. This is no challenge. This is stagnation and anti-progress. You might as well force me to become one of the sheep that go to church every sunday without every really thinking about why they do it. And it seems that I have a year and a half left of this. I don't know where or to what sort of state my mindset is heading, but I cannot see how it is anywhere near good.
And there it is. That same question with the same shitty answer.
How can I get out of this?
You cant.
-rogue "going fucking nuts" mind.