Sunday seems like a good day to reflect on my emotions...or perhaps their shortcomings
This being able to love but not fall in love concerns me somewhat. I am certainly not a cold person by nature and I think I am capable of giving g a lot of myself without ncessarily seeking a return on that investment. But total commitment scares me for some reason.
A close friend suggested this was a form of cowardice. The fear of having my heart broken again. I say again because that did happen once a long time ago. I am certain I was 'in love' with that person as much as anyone could be. Sadly it was at a time when my work took me away a lot and my partner seemed to find the loneliness too much to cope with. Inevtibaly, I suppose, someone else was on hand to give the face to face devotion she required.
But at the time I was not so reasonable in assessing the break up and my heart dropped into deep freeze. And I guess it's been fairly chilly ever since.
Whether or not it's now past its sell by date or too solid to defrost I just don't know.
I would like to think there's still hope for me.
Frienships and merely physical relationships are fine, but there's always that something missing.
My problem these days I trying to remember exactly what that missing something is.
This being able to love but not fall in love concerns me somewhat. I am certainly not a cold person by nature and I think I am capable of giving g a lot of myself without ncessarily seeking a return on that investment. But total commitment scares me for some reason.
A close friend suggested this was a form of cowardice. The fear of having my heart broken again. I say again because that did happen once a long time ago. I am certain I was 'in love' with that person as much as anyone could be. Sadly it was at a time when my work took me away a lot and my partner seemed to find the loneliness too much to cope with. Inevtibaly, I suppose, someone else was on hand to give the face to face devotion she required.
But at the time I was not so reasonable in assessing the break up and my heart dropped into deep freeze. And I guess it's been fairly chilly ever since.
Whether or not it's now past its sell by date or too solid to defrost I just don't know.
I would like to think there's still hope for me.
Frienships and merely physical relationships are fine, but there's always that something missing.
My problem these days I trying to remember exactly what that missing something is.
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"A close friend suggested this was a form of cowardice. The fear of having my heart broken again."
...thats not cowardice, it's human nature. when you meet the right person all that may suddenly not matter anymore anyway. love isn't something you can really control.