rockpaperscissor

I had a great realization this morning, that the reason people think I'm crazy is because I say that I am. Kindof a funny way of looking at it but most people just don't say it. I think alot, like anyone does, but I actually try to convey all of my thoughts in hopes of communicating with people on a some what real level. Ineveitably I get a funny look because they don't want to be on that level and I just say I'm going crazy. Simple. So it led me to my realization. I just need to shut the fuck up, and seeing as no one really reads this anyhow, it doesn't matter. I want to put in something here about something, you know, something that means something. Wow, I am so articulate I kill myself. *Get to the point asshole*

Time for some honesty. This week has been well, the best of times and the worst of times. I got a job but I won't make enough money to cover rent so I have to get on the corner and play bad covers for spare change. I met some cool girls from new york but then got really whiskey drunk and fell up some stairs, gashing open my head and leaving it swelled and funny lookin'. This girl that I've been, to put it bluntly, fucking kinda snubbed me over the past week but then came back around. Wait the whole story. So we had hooked up a few times, neither of us wanting a relationship, and things were great. The ride wasn't over till we both got off type o thing. Then one night it didn't go. (I hate speaking in eufamisms but Its an extremely sensitive subject) I tried for hours with no avail. She was like a god damn light switch, gettin' turned on then gettin' off, but . . . jesus . . . I fell like a fool even talking about it. I'm a young guy, I wasn't extremely drunk, there is no reason things shouldn't work right. And to top it off she's hot and hot for me like, I just don't get what happened. So after that happened she didn't come around for a week or so. Maybe its because she felt ineffectual, I don't know. I remember back a couple years ago I'd get off in like 10 minutes , no sweat, but now . . . and I'm sure this sounds odd. "Its good to be able to go along time!" not like this though, something just feels off. So then she comes back around and we're hanging out, drinkin some 40s, watching a bad movie, she's tired and hungry so I offer to make her some food and she drops the L bomb on me. It wasn't non-chalante or like 'hey I luv ya buddy', it was very consise. I just kinda stummbled and, left the bedroom to make her food. Jesus, I don't want a another relationship that is doomed to fail (well, doomed because I don't love her) . So any ways, we get into it, and its great, like she's finding new turn on spots all over me and its going great and its just about there and . . . nothing . . . she gets off . . . informing with a god ya . . and suddenly I can't . . I don't know. I say something like "Getting off isn't always the point, its just fun by itself" but she and I both know both of us would have been happier if I got off. :::I wonder if this seems crude:::

So here I sit, an empty wallet, a bloody swollen head, a penis that has seen better days and life that has triumphed threw it all.
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People have always asked me when the hell I was going to grow up. I don't think I ever will but I now know I am growing old.