rockoblm

Its fun to watch yourself grow up. Since I've been posting on this site, I find myself discusted with myself and very proud of myself. I'm a very bitter and jadded person, who flies off the cuff at times, but I still try to maintain my compassionate side as much as I can. I need to find my happy place again, cause its been a while since I've been there. I think the last time I was truely happy (for longer than a few hours) was senior year in college, when everymorning I would walk down to the common area, get a coffee and spend hours on end reading Buddhist texts. I was humble and soft spoken at that time, and I had a respect for everything and in awe of everything. It seems like now I'm stuck in neutral with my middle finger thrust out the window and my body pressed against the horn. Need to get my hand off the horn, and the other back in the car so I can shift and start my live rolling again. I've always been interesting in the idea that I am a Bodhisava (I emit compassion and absorb the pain of people, so they are free to be happy), but now I'm overflowing with problems and I've got everyone elses concerns but I do nothing about my own. Frustrating. I've been sounding like such a whiney bitch in the last few months. If you people who read this, in the future if you read me whineying can you tell me to shut up and shift the car into drive. Thanks.