rocketeer

....oh shit

someone is a little emo,

Alexisonfire were incredible ...damn i love those guys, so good, almost as good as when i saw them play in Toronto 11 months ago.

NIN were great also, i had a great time

i have 1 week till i leave brisbane, i am going to Mt Isa. I figured it out and after benefits it looks like i will be on a total package close to $65k annually ....and the union is currently in negotiations chasing a 9% pa pay increase, so i can only imagine what it will be like if it goes through.

I am going to a Brisbane SG hookup tomorrow, should be great as i am going to meet some members i haven't met before


I ran into star_pariah today when we were both with our respective government departments at the local pub for lunch. It was pretty sweet to meet up all random, it was possibly the highlight of my day.

ooh, ooh.....i went to the Brisbane magistrates court today to watch a prosecution case initiated by my office, ...i fell asleep funny shit, ...what was i meant to do, lawyers bore the shit out of my....my boss just laughed at me and the magistrate looked unimpressed

I cried tonite in the middle of a pub....fucking soft i am .....a good mate of mine was having a drink with me because i am leaving, i don't speak frequently with him and he wasn't to know, he just enquired how shit has gone with louise, aka "slutfaced bitch-whore" ...i couldn't help it, fuck i was embarrased

i am paranoid she is going to be there tomorrow.... my "best mate" .... James is still going out with the fucking mole for some fucked up reason that is impossible to understand, he told me tonight that he had invited some people to go tomorrow as i am doubling between the sg hookup and general going away drinks for me before i go to mt isa... if he takes her i don't know what i will do, all i know is i will freak out worse than imaginable ... i don't know what i will do, i hate her so much, i have never hated anyone, ....i swore 18 months ago, when she chased me out of Fernie (southern BC - Canada) i would never ever speak to her again after what she did to me ..... i can't even mention her name without getting mad and near emotional.... I pray that she doesn't go ....but i do know this, James can fuck off for good if he takes her tomorrow, i don't need that shit, not from a "mate"

i hate her .......she fucked me up all that time ago ...why is she such a sadistic bitch, why ....why is james so blind to see.....fuuuuck

fuck
fuck
fuck
fuck

i am getting 2 more piercings on wednesday next week...i am getting one for free as a thankyou for being loyal to the shop or something ...yay.

my hair is going grey ....mum says it is beginning to look distinguished .....fuck that, i don't want to grow up and i never want to look old

but seriously....i know that all of this shit is only going to make the future that much more incredible, ...the shit that i have endured in the last 2 years....when i find happiness it will be bliss beyond any of my wildest dreams, i must be patient as surely karma is going to swing my way soon,

i am going to miss my family sooo much, even though i hardly see them given how we all have our own very busy agendas of late, but knowing they are at least around is somewhat comforting

i can't cook ...well, that is what i let others believe, but cooking for myself...damn i am not that creative and i hate fast food more than once a week....

i get emo and i babble shit

it is my therapy though

let the shit out so i don't choke on emotions that would surely see me enter into an unsafe mindset

i think i hear my bed calling me, is it my bed, or am i just imagining shit, am i tired, or is this dizziness stemming from the rage i feel inside, i hate her, i hate her, i hate her....

i know one shouldn't dwell, but fucking hell.....18 months have passed since i last spoke with her....why is my head still fucked

i called beck the other day, she messed my head up too, she wasn't cool.....after 6 weeks she told me she loved me, a week later she cut me off......wouldn't answer my calls, wouldn't reply to my msgs, blocked me on msn, ignored my emails ......she said she loved me, .....go figure, that was 6 months ago, i still feel empty and have no closure...she spoke to me, but i swear it is only cause she knows i am leaving ....i couldn't help it, i fell so hard for that girl, she hurt me sooo much, i had walls up after louise, i was certain that i would let noone in, she broke down my walls, took my heart, crushed it

i cried myself to sleep for a week ....what sort of guy does that

fuck fuck fuck

fuck fuck fuck
fuck fuck fuck

i feel somewhat better now ....

who read this shit anyway ...........

One day, maybe, insanity will be just a memory
clarity is certain, patience a must
emotional torment will one day end
then bliss i will feel and love will consume me

bring that shit on

i am a dickhead, noone cares

emo time sucks .............
my time sucks

FUCK this shit
FUCK it all
FUCK everything it stands for

Fuck i can speak shit

so i have issues .....doesn't everyone