Man, it's been quite an interesting year thus far for me. A few life changes here, a splash of drama there, good times! haha ;o)
But in all seriousness, I have been reflecting on something very serious lately.
Music has always been a passion that has burned very strong inside of me, sometimes so hard it has incinerated myself and my fellow bandmates. Believe me, it takes it's toll. Thinking back on when all this started and where that fire was originally lit, funny enough and maybe typically enough it was about a girl, or at least the getting over of her. My first true love, like everyone elses, was the hardest to get over. Around that time I was first starting to pickup the bass, and after the final straw with her was the defining moment when I dedicated my life to Music. Unfortunately, I've come to the grimm realization as of late that it wasnt necessarily out of a drive to succeed in the industry, but was my means of escape from the pain and hurt that I felt instead of dealing with it like a man.
Im ashamed to admit this, all the lessons, all the shows, personally it was for all the wrong reasons. It was about a girl, and running away from a memory without a dare to look back. The touring, the drinking and partying, the endless bands that I went in and out of, I was trying to prove it to others because I guess for most of this time I have been trying to prove to everyone except myself that I can do it, and succeed. That defining moment with that girl put a fork in my musical path as to the reasons why I was getting into the music in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I loved and still do love the music very much, but my path was tainted not because of Her, but because I allowed it to poison and defile my path, and that is absolutely, 100he wrong choice I made.
For the past 2 years I have called my fire and my drive into question as to why I am doing this in the first place. It has been smoke or sparks, but with revalation comes cleansation, a new vision, a fresh start and a new spark.
I am looking forward to going back to my hometown of the South Bay (it's a big home ;o]). It feels great because it feels like this near 2 year absence, that I have finally come full-circle. Although I do feel sadness for leaving my Central Valley friends that I have made here and have made me feel welcome, I feel in my heart that now is the time for me to go home. I hate this feeling that I am being selfish for leaving a great band and great friends in BLU.
My path that is set before me now is looking brighter, a cleansing and a re-focusing on my goals. I'm not sure where my path will lead me, be it school, music or both. But I'm confident that now that I've found where I've been, that this new path will show me the right way.
But in all seriousness, I have been reflecting on something very serious lately.
Music has always been a passion that has burned very strong inside of me, sometimes so hard it has incinerated myself and my fellow bandmates. Believe me, it takes it's toll. Thinking back on when all this started and where that fire was originally lit, funny enough and maybe typically enough it was about a girl, or at least the getting over of her. My first true love, like everyone elses, was the hardest to get over. Around that time I was first starting to pickup the bass, and after the final straw with her was the defining moment when I dedicated my life to Music. Unfortunately, I've come to the grimm realization as of late that it wasnt necessarily out of a drive to succeed in the industry, but was my means of escape from the pain and hurt that I felt instead of dealing with it like a man.
Im ashamed to admit this, all the lessons, all the shows, personally it was for all the wrong reasons. It was about a girl, and running away from a memory without a dare to look back. The touring, the drinking and partying, the endless bands that I went in and out of, I was trying to prove it to others because I guess for most of this time I have been trying to prove to everyone except myself that I can do it, and succeed. That defining moment with that girl put a fork in my musical path as to the reasons why I was getting into the music in the first place. Don't get me wrong, I loved and still do love the music very much, but my path was tainted not because of Her, but because I allowed it to poison and defile my path, and that is absolutely, 100he wrong choice I made.
For the past 2 years I have called my fire and my drive into question as to why I am doing this in the first place. It has been smoke or sparks, but with revalation comes cleansation, a new vision, a fresh start and a new spark.
I am looking forward to going back to my hometown of the South Bay (it's a big home ;o]). It feels great because it feels like this near 2 year absence, that I have finally come full-circle. Although I do feel sadness for leaving my Central Valley friends that I have made here and have made me feel welcome, I feel in my heart that now is the time for me to go home. I hate this feeling that I am being selfish for leaving a great band and great friends in BLU.
My path that is set before me now is looking brighter, a cleansing and a re-focusing on my goals. I'm not sure where my path will lead me, be it school, music or both. But I'm confident that now that I've found where I've been, that this new path will show me the right way.
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xoxo
Sunshine