rockadiva

So I got laid, and it was alright....I say just "alright" because it was w/ my ex....when in need, the ex will do.
.............
....................He called, like he always does, in cycles, every 2 weeks or so he decides he wants me back and needs to appologize for all the shit he's done...so he'll call a bazillion times a day,which is soooooo annoying, literally, I'll have 26 missed calls because his idiot ass "all of a sudden" realizes he wants me back.................
............anyway, today he had an excuse to come by, because he needed to pick up his phone charger(getting the last of his crap that is at my place)....so when he got to my place the inevitable happened...we screwed...............................
...................................... I know he's been fucking someone else now, (he of course says he hasn't because he's trying to get me back ha!) I know this because of several reasons....The most obvious being his stamina....When he got outta jail he was a "second" man, and the month before our breakup he didn't improve much more in that department....maybe got it back up to 3 minutes, so when he's now able to go for the length of time he did the other night, it is apparant to me that he's been building his stamina elsewhere(I don't really care, I'm just trying to make a more full journal entry )...................another thing is the new tricks he had....He always was a much less skilled lover than I am, (he still is) but c'mon, I know all his old moves, so when he comes off with a new one, I just kinda smile and think to myself, "Thank you Shelly, for teaching him this, now fucking him is a little less mechanic"......(Shelly being his baby's mama that he "didn't" hook back up w/ after he got outta jail....wait, I mean after he was in jail for a year and I waited for him...she's that girl for those of you who remember my past journal entries)...........................
............................Ahhhh, I just love proving myself right, he is such an obvious fuckup, I shouldn't really take pleasure in calling him out on all his lies, as it is so easy....but I do, because I am scorned and bitter and its only been 5 months since our breakup and we we're together 3 yrs.......................
..................... Then he left, which was the best part, cause I got to sleep peacefully without his lame ass there. I haven't heard from him since, not that I expected to, but when he begs and begs to be forgiven, says how much he loves me, blahblahblah. I've heard it alllll before. I fell for it too, when I was 22. Now I'm 26, and seriously, I'm over this Turd...........................
Anywhoooooo, I got laid. Just wanted to report that I got some, cause my last journal I was really, really in need. It was good, but as you can tell by all the drama in this entry, it was bad too. I should NOT be fucking my ex. It just blurs the line I am trying to establish with him, and it hinders my moving on process....which I really need to do..................
.......................Not that I want a new guy or anything, I really just want to be single.....I'm at the point where I do not want my ex back, and even when we were lying in bed together, I didn't want him, it just didn't feel the same. He betrayed me too many times and way too fiercly. .....................
...................... I'm not an unhappy single gal, I'm sorta in limbo.......I just haven't had a good ladies night, where you go out a have a ball and do a little flirting and start some shit........I guess thats what I need, that and for my ex to stop thinking that he can wait 2-3 weeks and I'll have forgotten what a shit he is and we'll get back together............

.........Maybe by next year I'll be ready for a new guy, but for now I'm content being just "ME".