robotfuckface

i'm packing. i leave tomorrow after work. i'm so excited i could burst into flames.

and christ i'm nervous.

holding my breath
watching the ground scream toward us
i'm praying for the pilot
a disembodied voice on a crackling intercom
whose face i know so well

holding my breath
a worry stone clenched in my teeth
i would take some cracks in my smile
if it should come to that

holding my breath
counting my heart beats
counting my cigarettes
as the ember inches...
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i cannot believe a day that started out so miserably could end so amazingly.

i could not be happier.

flabbergasted, kids. motherfucking flabbergasted.

i promise some day soon i'll try to be less vague. i would love to write several books about what is going on. just know that things are great and getting better.

i don't remember making that blog yesterday. weird. i wonder what i was no-ing.

no

i know this certainty that everything will fall into place must be crazy, but i can't shake it.

i'm just so sure. i can just... feel it.




ten more days.

i'm feeling a little drained. such a long day and it just seemed like everything started going sour mid afternoon and hasn't stopped. i need something nice to happen.

my big trip is in ten days. i'm FREAKING out. i feel like nothing is prepared. i have to get the car fixed a smidge, pack, have a heart attack, get my replacement license, get more...
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so it looks like i am no longer married. nicole and i have amicably and mutually decided this isn't working.
we both want to be with our daughter, so we're going to try living together but not be together. we'll see how this goes. i imagine everyone who reads this will roll their eyes and say how that's impossible, but i think it might work....
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huh.

nothing in the world is more frustrating than watching some amazing girl you'd walk into traffic just to put your arms around being treated like crap by the imbecile that doesn't even realize that he must have won some sort of cosmic raffle prize to even have her talk to him. this is especially the case when said girl is too far away for you...
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ow.