robotfuckface

one more poem for you
one more for your collection
another scrap of paper
that he can go and crumple

oh the things i would have done
and oh the things i did
and how at night in blackest dark
and clutch these tattered pieces to my chest

regret
regret
such a gaudy crown i wear for you
so heavy
that my chin is scraping...
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is this really what you want?

so at the behest of my friend lira, who is the biggest of my three "fans," i have established a myspace for all the music i've been writing about everything i've gone through in the last month or two.

so... give in to that morbid curiosity and click to listen to Collapsicon. some of it is only slightly awful.

oh. and tell me what...
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try to focus on the moment
try to smell these plastic roses
to survive off wax fruit and cardboard cutout cakes
doing my best to convince myself that when i breathe in deep
this air is more than smog and smoke

she could be a movie star
she could be a model
an angel, a devil
she could be my twin

no one is anyone...
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i long to hold you
but parts of you are so destroyed
that every time you
crumble
and when i kiss you softly
i leave bruises on your skin

i hate to see you go, my love
but i now see i am no doctor
and no matter how fierce my love may be
it cannot make you well

all those little steps
avoiding cracks and hopscotch grids
when i stopped to light a smoke
when you stopped to smell the flowers
each moment is a choice
that brought us here and now.

the sky is always bluest right before it falls.

I talked to her for twenty minutes.

And somehow, even though she was rebreaking my heart, i still enjoy talking to her so much.

I forgot how much i loved her voice.

I miss her so much. This is absolutely agony. I wish i could just fold up and disappear.

I hope she changes her mind.

Poem written as i tried to sleep:

i'm done being your dark secret
i'm done being around when you fall apart
i'm done being there when it's convenient for you
i'm done hurting and trying to make you open your eyes

i still hope that you find happiness
though i really doubt you will
i hope you don't regret all this
but i'm certain that will happen
i wish that things had...
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Yeah. She broke up with me again. She had been lying to me for months about pretty much everything. She said she was sorry. I forgave her for everything, but she's been confessing the truth to everyone now, so her life is kind of exploding. It serms i am a complication she could eliminate, and so here i am.

I havent gotten out of bed...
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yuffie and i broke up.

slipping
losing grip
you know the way it goes
the way my fingers break
the way my fingers break everything they touch
bind and gag me
tie my heart in knots
to stop the clots
from moving in

i'm so very sorry love
so very very sorry every time