I accidentally killed a baby caterpillar. I was under the impression that it was a stray booger. You have no idea how sad that made me.
It also makes me wonder what I could've been thinking when I was a little kid running around and stepping on ants. Just to be clear, that's something everyone did? Right?
Oh yeah, leaving tomorrow morn to see this thing and spend a week with my high school friend. How good a time I have is usually proportional to how I look at the time, and I look like shit so I'll be miserable. Or, you know, maybe a life affirming experience will totally slap my ass out of nowhere. I totally need one of those.
I saw a crappy movie yesterday. It got me thinking about two things.
1. I can't help but be attracted to crazy women. If you read into that, it probably says something unflattering about me.
2. Since I don't really have any connection to anything at all (no established career path, nobody depending on me, nothing that I care particularly strongly about), I'm probably at the one point in my life that affords the most possibilities for the future. I mean, the longer I live the more I'll become established in a single place and a single way of life. My parents don't seem to like their jobs, but it's not as though they can switch careers after all the time they've invested. My grandparents don't seem to like each other on even a platonic level, but their prospects are probably slim enough to keep them married until they die. It just seems to me that I haven't made any life damning mistakes yet (except for the college thing, which I actually do think is cause for seppuku now that I just made myself think about it), and that that affords me quite a bit of possibilities. Some of them probably don't even suck! So...shouldn't I be doing something about that? I want to claim that I don't know what I want, but I think I do. What it comes down to, I guess, is being too afraid to pursue.
It really frustrates me that I have nobody aged and wise to turn to for advice. I wish my parents could be depended on for that sort of thing.
Another thing that frustrates me is how I haven't really changed in the past two years. I often get the feeling that my thoughts (and by extension, these journal entries) are just repeating indefinitely on a loop.
It also makes me wonder what I could've been thinking when I was a little kid running around and stepping on ants. Just to be clear, that's something everyone did? Right?
Oh yeah, leaving tomorrow morn to see this thing and spend a week with my high school friend. How good a time I have is usually proportional to how I look at the time, and I look like shit so I'll be miserable. Or, you know, maybe a life affirming experience will totally slap my ass out of nowhere. I totally need one of those.
I saw a crappy movie yesterday. It got me thinking about two things.
1. I can't help but be attracted to crazy women. If you read into that, it probably says something unflattering about me.
2. Since I don't really have any connection to anything at all (no established career path, nobody depending on me, nothing that I care particularly strongly about), I'm probably at the one point in my life that affords the most possibilities for the future. I mean, the longer I live the more I'll become established in a single place and a single way of life. My parents don't seem to like their jobs, but it's not as though they can switch careers after all the time they've invested. My grandparents don't seem to like each other on even a platonic level, but their prospects are probably slim enough to keep them married until they die. It just seems to me that I haven't made any life damning mistakes yet (except for the college thing, which I actually do think is cause for seppuku now that I just made myself think about it), and that that affords me quite a bit of possibilities. Some of them probably don't even suck! So...shouldn't I be doing something about that? I want to claim that I don't know what I want, but I think I do. What it comes down to, I guess, is being too afraid to pursue.
It really frustrates me that I have nobody aged and wise to turn to for advice. I wish my parents could be depended on for that sort of thing.
Another thing that frustrates me is how I haven't really changed in the past two years. I often get the feeling that my thoughts (and by extension, these journal entries) are just repeating indefinitely on a loop.
Right now, I'm growing random flowers. Perrenials. Probably misspelled. There is a separate herb garden. I can't for the life of me remember the actual flower names.
And yes, almost everyone stepped on ants. Children are too selfish to recognize the world outside themselves, and haven't developed empathy yet.
And one more thing--thank GOD you disliked that movie too. It made me want to eat my own face just to not have to watch it anymore.
And Queens of the Stone Age are great....I've seen them twice, and they put on a really good show. Do you like Kyuss?