I don't understand why some people (myself included) think that suffering somehow makes them special. Even if it did, I doubt anything could be as self-destructive as connecting your feelings of self-worth to your feelings of misery.
I kinda feel like I've supported my one roommate in the sense that I've spent time with him and listened to him when my other roommates and, apparently everyone else he's talked to, wouldn't. I'm a bit tired of it, though. I mean I know he's suffering, but he's also terribly irritating and a terrible person in general (most of the words that come from his mouth are Family Guy references, lispy impressions of a stereotypical homosexual, something about some woman's butt, complaints about his life, other pop culture references, comments about how I act gay or actually am gay, or "If I showed people a videotape of my life they would seriosuly kill themselves at the end." ) But yeah, it's obvious (at least by now) that I need to spend less time with this guy. I still feel bad for him, but I can't do anything to help him and I'm certainly not benefitting either.
Of course, there's the question of why I've spent as much time with him as I already have. I'd love to chalk it up to benevolence or a belief in the inherent goodness of all men and women, but the fact is that it was just easier for me to associate with someone who already wanted to hang out with me (and disregard the individual himself) than it'd be to "make friends". Even after having been here for a year, the college social life still intimidates me. It shouldn't be that hard, I mean it's not like I had problems making friends in high school. I thought that maybe I had changed, but the summer showed me that I'm still more or less the same person, if not a little smarter and more caring (though maybe getting a little uglier. Man, I'm gonna be one disgusting 30 year old.) God knows what's screwing me up. I probably don't want myself to figure it out, which is why it's hard to sort this stuff out.
There is no good way to wrap up this entry.
I kinda feel like I've supported my one roommate in the sense that I've spent time with him and listened to him when my other roommates and, apparently everyone else he's talked to, wouldn't. I'm a bit tired of it, though. I mean I know he's suffering, but he's also terribly irritating and a terrible person in general (most of the words that come from his mouth are Family Guy references, lispy impressions of a stereotypical homosexual, something about some woman's butt, complaints about his life, other pop culture references, comments about how I act gay or actually am gay, or "If I showed people a videotape of my life they would seriosuly kill themselves at the end." ) But yeah, it's obvious (at least by now) that I need to spend less time with this guy. I still feel bad for him, but I can't do anything to help him and I'm certainly not benefitting either.
Of course, there's the question of why I've spent as much time with him as I already have. I'd love to chalk it up to benevolence or a belief in the inherent goodness of all men and women, but the fact is that it was just easier for me to associate with someone who already wanted to hang out with me (and disregard the individual himself) than it'd be to "make friends". Even after having been here for a year, the college social life still intimidates me. It shouldn't be that hard, I mean it's not like I had problems making friends in high school. I thought that maybe I had changed, but the summer showed me that I'm still more or less the same person, if not a little smarter and more caring (though maybe getting a little uglier. Man, I'm gonna be one disgusting 30 year old.) God knows what's screwing me up. I probably don't want myself to figure it out, which is why it's hard to sort this stuff out.
There is no good way to wrap up this entry.
freakpirate:
Thanks man. 
