Sorry for another sad bastard entry. I'm just being honest.
Yesterday was my first day working at the dining hall (4:30-9). I was overenthusiastic and desperate to make friends (as I always am). I tried getting to know this girl, but her favorite song is "A Whole New World" from Aladdin and her favorite movie is Patch Adams (Robin Williams fetish?). I don't know, maybe I shouldn't judge people for liking positive things. There was also this guy who depressed me by asking me what my major was and this really young looking girl who was either shy or scared of me. Maybe the uniform made me look really repulsive. I usually avoid mirrors, so I don't know if it did.
Anyway, I missed the bus home and had to walk back. This little girl in the back of someone's car smiled at me all big-like and waved back when I waved at her. In retrospect, she probably thought I looked goofy because of my tiredness and the stupid dining hall hat. Lousy, judgemental little girl.
Anyway, I'm miserable and lonely and that's nothing new so I can just glaze over that. The main point is how much I blend in and how I have to pretend to be outgoing just to get people to talk to me as a result. Being myself and having friends is mutually exclusive, I guess. Of course, I'm sure lots of people have the same problem. They just deal with it better, or don't complain as much (thereby making it look like I have it worse somehow).
In the mundane world of everyday life, my internet's broken for the next few days or weeks or whatever and I have to do a project that requires the remotest understanding of computers (something I don't possess!) because nobody in my group was nice enough to help me out. That's cool, I guess.
My roommate probably thinks I'm crazy. I literally wake up every morning and declare that I wish I was dead. It's a terrible, terrible habit. Or maybe living a life I don't like and doing nothing to change it is the bad habit. I don't know.
Yesterday was my first day working at the dining hall (4:30-9). I was overenthusiastic and desperate to make friends (as I always am). I tried getting to know this girl, but her favorite song is "A Whole New World" from Aladdin and her favorite movie is Patch Adams (Robin Williams fetish?). I don't know, maybe I shouldn't judge people for liking positive things. There was also this guy who depressed me by asking me what my major was and this really young looking girl who was either shy or scared of me. Maybe the uniform made me look really repulsive. I usually avoid mirrors, so I don't know if it did.
Anyway, I missed the bus home and had to walk back. This little girl in the back of someone's car smiled at me all big-like and waved back when I waved at her. In retrospect, she probably thought I looked goofy because of my tiredness and the stupid dining hall hat. Lousy, judgemental little girl.
Anyway, I'm miserable and lonely and that's nothing new so I can just glaze over that. The main point is how much I blend in and how I have to pretend to be outgoing just to get people to talk to me as a result. Being myself and having friends is mutually exclusive, I guess. Of course, I'm sure lots of people have the same problem. They just deal with it better, or don't complain as much (thereby making it look like I have it worse somehow).
In the mundane world of everyday life, my internet's broken for the next few days or weeks or whatever and I have to do a project that requires the remotest understanding of computers (something I don't possess!) because nobody in my group was nice enough to help me out. That's cool, I guess.
My roommate probably thinks I'm crazy. I literally wake up every morning and declare that I wish I was dead. It's a terrible, terrible habit. Or maybe living a life I don't like and doing nothing to change it is the bad habit. I don't know.
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transformergeek:
am or pm?
transformergeek:
Word. If I forget, wake me up at 814 883--7109