Some of the stuff I've seen for entertainment recently, the movies One Hour Photo and Willard and the play Machinal, kind of have me worried about a lot of things, or at least thinking. None of these works have happy endings thus pulling fantasy closer to reality. They are about outcasts, the ones who never fit in. You watch as their lives spiral out if control until all hope for redemption is lost.
I associate very closely with these characters. I worry my life will fall apart, that any hope for redemption is illusory. I can't remember exactly how or when it happened - did I reject society or did society reject me? I think maybe it was kind of mutual.
I remember last summer a little after the breakup I went to a show and my roommate told one of his friends that I had gone by myself. She asked if I was ok since it was kind of strange to do stuff like that alone. It made me feel bad because for the majority of my life its been like that.
I've been looking into grad scool, which is good, and I'm thrilled at the prospect of moving away from here. Which makes me realize I could leave in a heartbeat and leave everything behind. I don't know if I'm ok with that. It's wierd.
Thanks for reading my pointless rambling.
I associate very closely with these characters. I worry my life will fall apart, that any hope for redemption is illusory. I can't remember exactly how or when it happened - did I reject society or did society reject me? I think maybe it was kind of mutual.
I remember last summer a little after the breakup I went to a show and my roommate told one of his friends that I had gone by myself. She asked if I was ok since it was kind of strange to do stuff like that alone. It made me feel bad because for the majority of my life its been like that.
I've been looking into grad scool, which is good, and I'm thrilled at the prospect of moving away from here. Which makes me realize I could leave in a heartbeat and leave everything behind. I don't know if I'm ok with that. It's wierd.
Thanks for reading my pointless rambling.
hazardstar2:
...i can't wait to get the hell out of this state...i might go to grad school, but if i do it won't be for another year or so after i graduate, since i'm graduating in december...i can't wait to just move around, live in new places all the time, meet people, learn things...not be tied down. yes. hmmm have a good night! 
elisabeth:
You know what? The only judgment you have to worry about is your OWN. Fuck everyone else. It's all about realizing who you are and what you're capable of. This journal resonates so closely with what I've been feeling lately, esp. about the leaving bit and feeling weird at the same time. We are all transforming, esp. when we're not really ready for it, but if NOT now, then when, I wonder?