You ever find yourself wondering if something is real? I sometimes think about something that is happening or has happened and have this weird feeling that it isnt real. I wonder if that is normal. I do it with almost anything. For example, this site is full of beautiful women who defy "normal" and express themselves in wonderful ways.. and sometimes I find myself looking at a picture and thinking like.. I dont know how to explain it.. like these people exist in a dimension that is not the same as mine? Like I see these people all of the time who genuinely seem like really fantastic people and I think, there is no way they live anywhere near me.. then I think about everywhere I have lived/been.. and how I have never met/seen anyone like them.
Then I also have this issue, that really may be in my head, about stereotypes. So, there is a beautiful woman who posts a picture online.. And I am like "wow, she is stunning.." but I feel like if I were to say that, because it is the internet, Im just another horny perv trying to get something. I think most guys are pretty shitty to be honest. I could never like guys for that reason. Dont get me wrong, I am pretty pervy at times.. I think its fun and sex/sexual content should not be shunned and made to be seen as "bad" in society. Its like if you ask certain people in society what is "wrong" they would say sex, murder, drugs.. why are these things tied together? I dont know, that may just be me..
So that brings me to the internal struggle.. is it weird to compliment someone on how they look? I think on sites like this, its more accepted. But I know if I were to go up to a female in public, and just say that she is beautiful.. I would receive a defense statement because that would be just another guy hitting on a girl. Maybe I just want to show my appreciation. I know if someone where to compliment how I look, I would feel good. I dont need that justification, but its still nice to be appreciated. So where does the line start? What is ok to say, what is not ok? Where is it allowed to compliment a lady.. and when? How many times does a guy compliment a girl, and her initial reaction is that of "oh, just another horny guy"? Or better question, how often is a complement NOT appreciated if the guy/girl does not fit the attraction standard of the person receiving the compliment?
I think a lot. Maybe too much. But the human thought process is interesting to me. And I have found that I do think a lot like every other straight guy out there.. but at the same time I am so different from most guys. I pride myself in being me. I dont see why I cannot be a gentleman, and do thoughtful cute things for a lady.. but also be into restraints, whips, and other fun bedroom things? Im pretty open minded, but still I feel that society looks down on enough that there are stereotypes that are hard break from.
Look.. that guy has giant holes in his ears.. and most of his head is shaven.. look at the clothes he wears.. I bet he does a ton of drugs, is a freak, an idiot.. not someone who is helping society at all. I know things have gotten "better" for expression of self.. but still it makes me wonder. So many guys out there that are one track minded.. that fit roles that are a representation of the kind of man I dont want to be. I look different.. but I work a stable, salary job. I served in the military. I help people in need. I pay taxes, and try to never do anything that will will cause harm to another person. I am a hopeless romantic.. but I like some rough stuff. I am courteous, but I am loud and a bit weird. I like holding the door open for people. And I want to tell a woman she is beautiful without that being considered a "line".
For as long as I can remember, I have been fascinated by females. I mean, they are amazing. They do so much, and for the greater part of history were behind the scenes. Not treated fairly. Not getting the credit they deserve. I love being a guy, but I hate the stereotype that comes with that.
I know I am not perfect, but I think I am an ok guy. I try to be a good guy, not to feed some weird ego trip, but because I genuinely like to give and help others. I feel good when I can make someone smile, laugh, feel better about life.. I have my faults.. as we all do.
I am terrified of being alone. I have been afraid of being alone since I was a kid. Something about it.. just freaks me out. I am afraid of a bunch of things.. like venomous creatures and heights.. but the idea of being alone can make my stomach hurt. I love being different, but dont want to alienate myself from the rest of the world. I know.. this is probably a weird tangent..
I have had a weird.. not great day. The ex makes it impossible to be comfortable or happy in my workplace.. so I worked from home. I was dealing with a lot of issues with work (I work support for a tech company).. and then realized that I had not talked to another person all day (other than the people calling support). I kind of spiraled a bit.. Messaged a couple friends from work and they told me that my ex and her new bf have been all over each other all day in the office.. that made me feel really good. Always wonderful to know that someone who "loved" you can replace you so fast.. and have no remorse or care about your feelings. I was in a bad place.. Actually was feeling really bleah when I came across @medusaw pictures with puns in them.. I love puns and really corny jokes. I found myself laughing. And then I was looking at her pictures and thought, wow she is really beautiful. Then I started looking at other pictures of other beautiful women on this site.. hence how this whole post started off.
I guess in closing.. I feel like the women on here are.. from a magical land I dont exist in. lol how lame does that sound? I dont know.. its such a weird feeling. I cant even really explain it.. I may just be crazy. :-) At least I am the nice kind of crazy, not the bad harmful kind. *Shrug* I have no photos to attach today.. I am wearing sweatpants.. thats it.. and I feel like I probably look like a train wreck.. and nobody wants to see that. lol.
