robkarloff

I really don't understand women. At all.

I hook up with the girl and her friend who snored in my ear last weekend, we are having a good time, getting drunk as fuck, etc. And I'm talking to her, and trying to suss out how things are before I think about saying or doing something, and she starts telling me how her friend thinks I'm ace and sweet and how she really really likes me! This is the friend who couldn't stop talking about this guy I know who is hot shit in bed, and says she has a boyfriend even though he allegedly hasn't talked to her in three weeks or something!! What the fuck...?! And then, to further send matters into the wormhole of unpredictability, the girl's ex appears and they prompty disappear for a while. Ugh. And meanwhile the friend is still telling me how the girl doesn't want to be with her ex... Do they fit you women with some sort of device to completely bamboozle the male race??!

So, we get drunker and drunker, and then the next I know the friend has grabbed me and is chewing my face off. Wheeeee. Now I'm completely fuckin clueless as to what the hell is going on or what I should even do. It's 3am, and as we all leave in the pissing rain, I manage to stand on a discarded polystyrene box from someone's chips, which promptly slides on the greasy pavement downhill, and I rip something in my ankle The girl and her ex have disappeared round the corner, and shortly come back to find me dragging myself along ably supported by the friend. In loaaaaads of pain. There are no taxis to be had, so they manage to shove/lift/manhandle me to their flat. I manage to get into a bed in one of the rooms, and pass out, partly through alcohol and partly through the white pain i'm having. I then awaken to find the friend wrapped around me in her underwear, stroking and kissing me... Which was actually very nice Still in considerable pain, but suitably distracted, hands start going places, but then after a bit she says "I have a boyfriend, etc" and then falls asleep. I then wake up about 11am on my tod as she's gone to work without waking me.

Somebody, please, explain to me what the hell is happening. It's so FUBAR, I really don't get it. I'm now back home, having gritted my teeth on every gearchange, still pretty sore and with my ankle all strapped up. I read back on all that, and it makes even less sense than it did at the time!

I don't think women are from another planet. It's definately more like another dimension entirely.