Ok, I am going to attempt to get through typing this. Not sure why I have to "get through this," if I didn't want to tell people about my life lately, then maybe I shouldn't. I am not sure who I am doing this for. Me, you...? I don't know. Maybe I am just an attention whore and want people to pity me. Whatever, I am over analyzing this whole thing. I have pictures of my new tattoo but I am having a bitch of a time uploading them as they are too big and my friend's computer doesn't have any software to edit them. Eventually I will get a pic up to accompany this entry. I am not a huge fan of typing, I am a better speaker, so I won't bore you all for long.
I grew up in Flagstaff, AZ... I didn't have a particularly horrible childhood, it was decent I suppose. My formative teenage years did not go very well however. In and out of mental institutes, various other problems and bullshit. The one thing I could always count on were my friends. James Carpenter, Carly, various others, but most important to me for many many years was a man named J.D. Smith. He meant the world to me, he took care of me. He was quite a bit older than I and was even better than having an older brother. He was everything to me, for a long long time. I loved him, I still do.
I left Flagstaff and moved around a lot. Montana, Seattle, Germany and now 11 years after I left, back to Arizona. I got here on March 6th and on Tuesday the 16th I went to Flagstaff to visit some old friends, deep down hoping that I would get to see J.D. again. I found out that evening that he died of a heroin overdose, last September. My feelings about this are very simple. I fucked up. I did nothing to keep in contact with someone that I loved, someone that loved and cared for me, someone that gave me everything. I just left town and only once in 11 years did I speak with him, about 4/5 years ago, that was only by chance that I got to speak to him then. I fucked up. I have thought of him everyday for years and never even attempted to find him. I never even mentioned him more than once or twice to my wife, I fucked up. She doesn't understand my devastation, few people do, but this is the worst feeling I have ever had to deal with. I am still devastated, almost a week after finding out. I will get over it, I have no choice, but I am not doing well. The tattoo I got to remember him has helped but not enough. I don't know how to make this right.
**Edited to add, I figured out how to add this damn picture. (Thank you picnick.com)**
I grew up in Flagstaff, AZ... I didn't have a particularly horrible childhood, it was decent I suppose. My formative teenage years did not go very well however. In and out of mental institutes, various other problems and bullshit. The one thing I could always count on were my friends. James Carpenter, Carly, various others, but most important to me for many many years was a man named J.D. Smith. He meant the world to me, he took care of me. He was quite a bit older than I and was even better than having an older brother. He was everything to me, for a long long time. I loved him, I still do.
I left Flagstaff and moved around a lot. Montana, Seattle, Germany and now 11 years after I left, back to Arizona. I got here on March 6th and on Tuesday the 16th I went to Flagstaff to visit some old friends, deep down hoping that I would get to see J.D. again. I found out that evening that he died of a heroin overdose, last September. My feelings about this are very simple. I fucked up. I did nothing to keep in contact with someone that I loved, someone that loved and cared for me, someone that gave me everything. I just left town and only once in 11 years did I speak with him, about 4/5 years ago, that was only by chance that I got to speak to him then. I fucked up. I have thought of him everyday for years and never even attempted to find him. I never even mentioned him more than once or twice to my wife, I fucked up. She doesn't understand my devastation, few people do, but this is the worst feeling I have ever had to deal with. I am still devastated, almost a week after finding out. I will get over it, I have no choice, but I am not doing well. The tattoo I got to remember him has helped but not enough. I don't know how to make this right.
**Edited to add, I figured out how to add this damn picture. (Thank you picnick.com)**VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
crazzy:
I wanted to thank you.. Your still one of my bestest on this good ole SG! <3 Love you
crazzy:
Still waiting for my chicken parm....