rlmac

So Thursday I guess I sent
Toby over the edge
I didn't know that he had been suicidal for the previous four days
All I need was that he was out of his meds and was going to get more
And since then I've been going fucking nuts.
I have uber people worried about me
And I don't care
I just want to know that Toby is okay
I missed his phone calls
And ended up screaming at my phone to ring.
And then it did.
But I couldn't answer cause people that shop at Sams are morons
Especially in Flagstaff.
I just don't know what to do.
I want to be mad and hate him and get on with it
But then my phone rings and I know it's him and I start having mini panic attacks
I've been told I was right in what I did by breaking up with him
And only said that I didn't want to talk to him again
Because I know I wouldn't have gotten back with him if he asked
3 years for a reason.
I do love him
And he's right I never showed it the right way
But it's hard for me too
I don't know why, but it is
Have you ever been so used to someone, something, that as soon as it's gone
You're just not sure how to function?
I can't even look around my room because there are too many little things from him
The bears the notes the shirts
Hell I can't even use my favorite lotion because it reminds me of him
I guess it's just like there is no closure
Like I didn't really get to say sorry enough
Sorry for the shit I did, and didn't do
That's it.