Losing My Nerdiness?
I still haven't gotten my new webcam figured out, but wanted a new blog, so you're getting an old fashioned text one.
I've realized something about myself more and more as of late and that's that I'm becoming less and less of a nerd. The things that used to be super important to me are now kinda blah and new priorities are popping up all over the place.
I mean, I used to define myself as a gamer girl. And now I'm seriously considering selling my Magic collection (and maybe even some of my D&D books) on ebay to raise money for travel and the move... this idea is just so foreign to me that not only do I care more about the little money I might be able to get for this, but in all honesty I just don't want them taking up space in my apartment anymore!!
Suddenly my life is about downsizing everything to make room for more focus and all these things that have been important to me and huge parts of my life are just clutter... I mean Christ, I used to play Magic EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK for YEARS.
That's not all of it though. One of the people I talk to online the most right now? I met on 43Things... and he's a complete jock/muscle head and all we do all day long is talk about work out programs and movies. But you know what? I totally love it!! It gets me pumped up to get home and work out. But he's just the last person I ever would have talked to 5 years ago.
I'm not sad about this. It's more just amazing to watch how much I've changed. I love games, but in the end I'm not a big fan of committing myself to the time, energy and money that the serious gaming I've done in the past entails. I've got so much I want do in my life and am finding myself become more and more focused on those dreams and goals than ever before.
God, I just keep thinking how much more on track I'll be in 6 months or in a year. I wonder who I'll be in 5 years! Life is such an exciting journey. And even if I'm giving up my gaming roots, there will always be a spot in my heart reserved for the nerd in me.
I figure if I keep at this sooner or later I'm going to realize that the things people say about me now are real. It's funny that it took me 5 years with Brad to see what he turned me into and now it's been how many years since and part of me still sees me as who I was with him. It's getting better, but there's still those thoughts in the back of my heart that creep in whispering doubts.
Thankfully my fear that I'll never try for more than what I have now is so much greater than any fear of failure or any feeling of self doubt. I will not fail myself by giving up.
This blog kind of went everywhere. I guess, the main point? I can feel change happening in my life and I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of how far I've come and I'm excited, so excited, for the future.
Love you all,
Rizzy
I still haven't gotten my new webcam figured out, but wanted a new blog, so you're getting an old fashioned text one.
I've realized something about myself more and more as of late and that's that I'm becoming less and less of a nerd. The things that used to be super important to me are now kinda blah and new priorities are popping up all over the place.
I mean, I used to define myself as a gamer girl. And now I'm seriously considering selling my Magic collection (and maybe even some of my D&D books) on ebay to raise money for travel and the move... this idea is just so foreign to me that not only do I care more about the little money I might be able to get for this, but in all honesty I just don't want them taking up space in my apartment anymore!!
Suddenly my life is about downsizing everything to make room for more focus and all these things that have been important to me and huge parts of my life are just clutter... I mean Christ, I used to play Magic EVERY DAY OF THE WEEK for YEARS.
That's not all of it though. One of the people I talk to online the most right now? I met on 43Things... and he's a complete jock/muscle head and all we do all day long is talk about work out programs and movies. But you know what? I totally love it!! It gets me pumped up to get home and work out. But he's just the last person I ever would have talked to 5 years ago.
I'm not sad about this. It's more just amazing to watch how much I've changed. I love games, but in the end I'm not a big fan of committing myself to the time, energy and money that the serious gaming I've done in the past entails. I've got so much I want do in my life and am finding myself become more and more focused on those dreams and goals than ever before.
God, I just keep thinking how much more on track I'll be in 6 months or in a year. I wonder who I'll be in 5 years! Life is such an exciting journey. And even if I'm giving up my gaming roots, there will always be a spot in my heart reserved for the nerd in me.
I figure if I keep at this sooner or later I'm going to realize that the things people say about me now are real. It's funny that it took me 5 years with Brad to see what he turned me into and now it's been how many years since and part of me still sees me as who I was with him. It's getting better, but there's still those thoughts in the back of my heart that creep in whispering doubts.
Thankfully my fear that I'll never try for more than what I have now is so much greater than any fear of failure or any feeling of self doubt. I will not fail myself by giving up.
This blog kind of went everywhere. I guess, the main point? I can feel change happening in my life and I'm proud of myself. I'm proud of how far I've come and I'm excited, so excited, for the future.
Love you all,
Rizzy
VIEW 19 of 19 COMMENTS
toothpickmoe:
I do what I can. Try to do the same for the nerds of the world. 
captknutz:
I went through this same thing about two years after my divorce, and am kind of going through it again. I think there are just times in life when you start to realize what's really important to you. Did you get the CD I sent?