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Last night was pretty crazy. It was my exboyfriend's official welcome home party from Afghanistan. My exgirlfriend (who he hates) showed up and started hanging on me and then his current girlfriend showed up, complained about the smoke and left. Leaving a drunk Nick and a drunk Carissa left alone to catch up on old times... I really wish she would have stayed.

So, I'm just going to say it. I'm pretty sure I'm still in love with my exboyfriend.

He's the one singing in the pic... not the big hairy guy. He was singing "I will always love you" to J-Bob just to make me laugh... it worked.

I always used to say that he had the cheat codes to my heart and a year and a half later, it took about 15 min of alone time with him to realize it's still true. We shouldn't be allowed to be alone, especially when his current relationship is in near ruins (she apparently made out with one of his best friends... and she hates smoke and he's a smoker... that and they just don't feel close like me and Nick always felt just naturally). He proposed to me the day we met and when I told him that I'd never date him as long as he lived he told me he was going to marry me one day. A month later we were a couple.

He's one of the few people I know that just gets me so completely. He understands so fully what makes me tick and how to support those things. I remember the moment I knew that I was going to be with him. I'd agreed to hang out at his place and watch movies since I had spare pizza I wasn't going to eat and he turned to me and said "I want to teach you how to shoot a gun.... so that when zombies take over, you'll know how to defend yourself."

God, I need to stop talking now... I'm going to lunch with my best friend Lindz to talk about it more. I think she'll help tons. I didn't sleep with him though! I'm so proud! He was the best sex of my life by like a million... and apparently me his... so it was damned hard to not do, but yea... I didn't!!