My salient personalities are surfacing once again. Every time I hear a song, I wonder how I'd dance to it. Every time I walk into a strip club to visit my friends, acquaintances and crushes, I so deeply wish to be the girl on stage. Every time I catch a glimpse of vinyl and lace, I dream in Domme.
I needed my secret outlet back. Nobody here knows my name, save a few who already know my deepest, darkest secrets. They know my intentional, pervasive shadow and don't mind the secrets I make them keep. And if they do? Fuck 'em.
My real life is as straight as a razor blade. No room for these nasty, inconvenient habits of mine in the realm of conventional, "respectable," day jobs. Yes, that is intentionally plural. Two jobs, full time student, and no room for creativity. No wonder I am scratching at the backs of my eyeballs to get away from my life. 70 hours a week of bigoted, close-minded church cliques. 70 hours a week of judgmental assholes. 70 hours a week of holier than thou. I can't bite my tongue anymore or I'll choke on my own blood.
I suppose I'll fight this battle my entire life, or at least until I find a place where my alter egos don't have to fight for the air to breathe. In the meantime, SG is a perfect outlet for that which is deemed inappropriate by my mainstream life.
Sincerely,
Jane
