ride

April 1st marked 1 year since my exwife and I broke up. Today was our first court hearing for the divorce. As I sat there, waiting for our case to be called, I thought about how I got to that point. All the years, good and bad, all the arguments, accusations, laughs, hugs, affections. I thought about the choices we both made, good and bad. We chose to be apart for our own happiness. We just could not make our marriage work.

We both felt that our son deserved to see his parents happy even if they were no longer together.

All the paper are filed, the petition, the 40 page mediation agreement, 20 pages of financial affidavits, all of it. Once the judge reviews everything we'll have 1 last court date to finalize, then, then I'll officially be divorced.

Although I'm at peace with my decisions and actions, this was not a happy day for me. As I sat there, looking at a woman that I promised to love till the end, looking in her eyes to see pain and tears, I felt defeated. And as we walked towards our cars, the silence deafening, I knew she'd not be going back to work. She'd be going to seek comfort in the arms of her boyfriend. That though, I thought would hurt, but it didn't. I felt a strange sense of peace, knowing that she would have some comfort, some affection. Knowing that she'd be ok, was a relief.

I've found, after all the shit I've been through, all the horrors, all the damage, maybe for me it isn't about being "ok", maybe it's just surviving.