rickets

I don't know about you guys, but I've seen better days.

Things have been a little unstable between my girlfriend and me as of late. She's in Omaha; I'm in Chicago. Neither of us are too happy. On top of that, I'm finishing my Ph.D. and she's in the middle of her second year of medical school, so scheduling's tight. I told her a month or so ago that I wouldn't really have visiting time until February or so. She didn't really take that well, and I guess I couldn't expect her to.

Since then, she's been very short with me. We've argued a lot and had some miserable phone conversations. All of that has been wearing on me to the point where I'm really not sure I want to do this anymore.

Monday night we had a long conversation about why she's been upset. She was pressing me about our future. The problem is that it's really hard for me to make her any promises, when I'm not feeling so sure myself. I broke up with her, which was the hardest thing I've ever done. She was shocked, which surprised me, with things being so bad lately.

The next morning, I decided that we should give it another try. We've been together three years. I just felt like we should try and make things right before we just give up.

The problem is that I can't figure out my own feelings. I can't tell if I really wanted to break up, but couldn't do it because of some sense of remorse, or loss. Maybe I just couldn't stand to hurt her anymore? On the other hand, maybe I did the right thing and we can work it out. I don't know how I'm ever going to know. All I know is that it's not going to get any easier, as she moves towards her third year of med school (and boards) and I move (geographically) further away from her (not sure where yet).

I guess I should end this on a positive note, so...um...go Bears?