richard_

Ok, so im fairly good at not exposing too much of the insanity which is me via this internet thing... but not a single one of the friends i regularly hang out with seem to understand whats been driving me mad for quite some time. To tell the truth, it even sounds rather ridiculous to me when i try to say it out loud as well. But out of frustration (as well as intoxication) here it goes. I like people. I like making friends. More so than anything else. So i meet a girl, I like girls. Like them infinitely more so than i honestly do men. For many reasons beside the obvious. They look good. They smell good. They make me smile just by them smiling alone. They understand things most anybody else does not. They'll read your poetry. Listen to your songs. Ask you how your day went, and honestly care. They'll bake a cake for you. Watch movies that nobody else will. Pick you up from your doctor visits when your too sick to drive home. Tell you that your beautiful, even though you feel your not. Go to the library or museum with you, just to look around. Smile when you bring them flowers. Laugh just because your laughing too, and cry with you when your heart is hurt and your world has broken in two. Women are beautiful, truly the most wonderful creations of all.

So my problem is this... why do they almost always seem to mistake my intentions??? Either they're suddenly angry at me because they want more than just friendship (which is all we agreed to from the start) and i'm still clueless as to what i did wrong, or they're angry at me because "I'm just playing games" with them??? Since when is asking someone you find interesting to hang out with you playing games?? I was nice to you, you were nice to me, we both had a great time, we both laughed, everything was cool. I never tried to lead you on, make a move, or anything of that nature. I just was being nice to someone i thought wanted to be friends. But now i'm suddenly an asshole. For what, being clueless at the worst? Why is it that if a woman ask a guy to hang out, it can be easily understood as nothing more than an honest interest in being friends? But more times than not, when i ask a girl to hang out or try to strike up conversation there has to be some ulterior motive involved? I mean, what the hell?? Just because you look good doesn't mean a damn thing to me. Other than yeah, you look good. So congratulations, the worlds full of people that look good. But if you have nothing to offer besides your looks, if we cant get to know each other as human beings, if we cant be friends, or engage in some form of entertaining conversation before anything else, what in the name of god makes you think i could possibly be interested in having anything to do with you besides just saying hello and shooting some innocent compliments your way??

Being attracted to somebody sexually takes more than just good looks. It takes getting to know that person... seeing something within them that makes you want to share something within you too. Nothing is wrong with getting to know somebody before anything beyond friendship is even considered. Its natural, its the way things are truly meant to be. Dont get me wrong though, we've all been attracted to someone from the moment we first saw them at some point in our lives. And thats normal too. But its been a very long time since that has happened for me, and its only happened twice in my entire life.

I have a lot to give, so theres nothing wrong with me being careful about who i give it to. Its not personal, trust me. Its just called having respect for yourself, and I think you would like it if you gave it an honest try sometime.

So long story short, ( and i promise, i'll never blog like this again) if i approach you as a friend, relax... thats all there is too it, nothing more.

Unless your spectacularly spectacular and totally impossible to resist that is.

Till then though, whats wrong with us just getting to know each other, and honestly being friends? Is that really too crazy to ask? Is that really such an insult to you??