Begging dont never work!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!SAW A 500 FOOT JESUS ONE DAY WHEN I WAS 5!!!!!!!!!!!!
That Big Ol' Mean Bearded Jesus looked down at me and yelled, "BOY!!!!!!!!! Get off that Red Tricycle!!!!!"
I swallowed my fear with a gulp and replied, "...no."
Jesus wide-opened his eyes in total surprise and yelped, "BOY!!!!!!! Get OFF that Red Tricycle!!!!!"
To which i once again replied, "no."
Now that Big Ol' pissed off bearded lookin Jesus then stood up straighter and taller than any building or mountain i had ever seen before in all my f'n life and screamed with all his thunderous might, "BOY!!!!!!!!!!!! IN CASE YOU AINT NEVER BEFORE HEARD OR EVER BEEN TOLD, I'M JESUS GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed as lightning exploded from his tightly clenched fists and hurricanes and tornadoes spun wildly around that planet-sized head full of all that beautiful gold looking Jesus hair he had. "AND I'M NOT ASKING... IM COMMANDING YOU TO GET THE FUCK OFF THAT GOD DAMNED BROKEN DOWN PIECE OF SHIT, MORE RUSTED THAN IT IS RED, TRICYCLE FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!!!!!!"
Well now, i may of only been 5, but i could pretty much tell by then i had gone and pissed that big ol' Jesus completely the fuck off! And seeing as how it was only 4 more days till Christmas and i was needing me a replacement tricycle pretty dang bad these days, i decided i'd go on ahead and do whatever it was that pissed off Jesus wants! So i said in the absolute most nicest tone of voice i knew how, "Jesus... i'm gonna do us both a favor and go on ahead do whatever it is you want. Only thing is, seeing as how this here tricycle was a gift from my recently departed dear ol' ma and pa, and my only reliable means of transportation these days, i was wonderin if we could maybe strike us a little deal that might equally satisfy us both...?"
Well, with that said, Jesus then looked me as square in the eyes as i've ever been looked at in all my life, and said with a chuckle that made me smile for maybe half a second at the most, "Get the fuck off that tricycle little snot-nosed shit!!" He more heckled than laughed. "Cause we aint negotiating shit!" He said as his smile instantly faded away. "For ya see, i'm Jesus god dammit, not the Devil! So if it's negotiating you had in mind... next time, you better talk to that asshole first!"
Moral of the story is: If it's miracles you want, get on your knees and beg; however, if it's results you honestly need.... your gonna have to put in just a little more work than that!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!SAW A 500 FOOT JESUS ONE DAY WHEN I WAS 5!!!!!!!!!!!!
That Big Ol' Mean Bearded Jesus looked down at me and yelled, "BOY!!!!!!!!! Get off that Red Tricycle!!!!!"
I swallowed my fear with a gulp and replied, "...no."
Jesus wide-opened his eyes in total surprise and yelped, "BOY!!!!!!! Get OFF that Red Tricycle!!!!!"
To which i once again replied, "no."
Now that Big Ol' pissed off bearded lookin Jesus then stood up straighter and taller than any building or mountain i had ever seen before in all my f'n life and screamed with all his thunderous might, "BOY!!!!!!!!!!!! IN CASE YOU AINT NEVER BEFORE HEARD OR EVER BEEN TOLD, I'M JESUS GOD DAMMIT!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed as lightning exploded from his tightly clenched fists and hurricanes and tornadoes spun wildly around that planet-sized head full of all that beautiful gold looking Jesus hair he had. "AND I'M NOT ASKING... IM COMMANDING YOU TO GET THE FUCK OFF THAT GOD DAMNED BROKEN DOWN PIECE OF SHIT, MORE RUSTED THAN IT IS RED, TRICYCLE FOR THE VERY LAST TIME!!!!!!"
Well now, i may of only been 5, but i could pretty much tell by then i had gone and pissed that big ol' Jesus completely the fuck off! And seeing as how it was only 4 more days till Christmas and i was needing me a replacement tricycle pretty dang bad these days, i decided i'd go on ahead and do whatever it was that pissed off Jesus wants! So i said in the absolute most nicest tone of voice i knew how, "Jesus... i'm gonna do us both a favor and go on ahead do whatever it is you want. Only thing is, seeing as how this here tricycle was a gift from my recently departed dear ol' ma and pa, and my only reliable means of transportation these days, i was wonderin if we could maybe strike us a little deal that might equally satisfy us both...?"
Well, with that said, Jesus then looked me as square in the eyes as i've ever been looked at in all my life, and said with a chuckle that made me smile for maybe half a second at the most, "Get the fuck off that tricycle little snot-nosed shit!!" He more heckled than laughed. "Cause we aint negotiating shit!" He said as his smile instantly faded away. "For ya see, i'm Jesus god dammit, not the Devil! So if it's negotiating you had in mind... next time, you better talk to that asshole first!"
Moral of the story is: If it's miracles you want, get on your knees and beg; however, if it's results you honestly need.... your gonna have to put in just a little more work than that!
comixbookgurl:
Very nice story
sadielee:
hello yourself!