Tonight I am getting my high nostrils put back in. They fell out and closed up. I am going with Jeanie to get her first tattoo.
Also, next week I am going to be at the doctor a lot. I talked to Michael about the problems I've been having recently. [I have bi-polar and its very prominent. I have been trying to get by without medication which lead to a psychological breakdown over the past week.] I am going back to therapy starting next week most likely. Also, I am going back on medications. Its a much needed thing. I just hate thinking that I am dependent on medication but if I'm not on it I can't function in normal situations and I hate knowing that without a pill I can not function. Worst part is my parents don't support me being medicated so now I have to come up with money for therapy and medication. They don't even pay for the psychologist. And I'm a college kid without a job so money is a rarity for me right now. Also, since I have a somewhat unclear sexual history Michael thinks I should get tested just to be 100% sure. I've been tested for HIV and Syphilis though because those are the anonymous blood tests. The rest means my parents are going to find out I got the tests through the billing plan. I'm not looking forward to that conversation but it really is best for my health.
Right now I am trying to focus on being healthy and making myself the best I can be. I rarely take time to care about myself and if I can't give myself love how can I healthily give love to someone else?
Either way Michael is starting to drift from me a bit, it may just be the natural progression of the relationship though. But just in case I don't want to be left dependent on him for happiness. I've been through that and it leads to a horrible break up.
Other news I have been talking to a few of my ex's. One guy and two girls to figure things out, they know me better than I know myself. So far all I have learned is its odd that I am with a guy now because everyone expects me to just be a straight up lesbian by this point. I'm not going to lie, I thought I was just a lesbian until I met Michael. He's the first guy I have been in love with. And the first guy I have really cared about more than sexually. There's something special and I just can't put my finger on it.
Good news, my Momma is coming to visit me this weekend. AND she is taking me shopping because since last summer/spring I have gone up two sizes so I get all new clothes.
The funny thing is last summer I was essentially still able to wear kids sizes seeing as I was a 00/0 with no boobs or anything. Now I am two sizes bigger and have a D cup. I am finally looking like a lady and not a little girl. I think it has a lot to do with I am actually eating now that I can eat a vegan diet. When I lived at home I wasn't allowed to be a vegetarian so I basically ate very little as a way to avoid all meat and stuff. My school has good vegan food so I am finally able to eat guilt free.
I keep forgetting to call my photographer to set up a photoshoot. I would do that now but I am waiting for a phone call and need to stop procrastinating my paper. Tomorrow I am free all day so that will give me time to call and talk as long as need. Be on the lookout for a new set soon. This time I will be looking a bit different though, my natural brown hair and barely any hair at all.
Also, next week I am going to be at the doctor a lot. I talked to Michael about the problems I've been having recently. [I have bi-polar and its very prominent. I have been trying to get by without medication which lead to a psychological breakdown over the past week.] I am going back to therapy starting next week most likely. Also, I am going back on medications. Its a much needed thing. I just hate thinking that I am dependent on medication but if I'm not on it I can't function in normal situations and I hate knowing that without a pill I can not function. Worst part is my parents don't support me being medicated so now I have to come up with money for therapy and medication. They don't even pay for the psychologist. And I'm a college kid without a job so money is a rarity for me right now. Also, since I have a somewhat unclear sexual history Michael thinks I should get tested just to be 100% sure. I've been tested for HIV and Syphilis though because those are the anonymous blood tests. The rest means my parents are going to find out I got the tests through the billing plan. I'm not looking forward to that conversation but it really is best for my health.
Right now I am trying to focus on being healthy and making myself the best I can be. I rarely take time to care about myself and if I can't give myself love how can I healthily give love to someone else?
Either way Michael is starting to drift from me a bit, it may just be the natural progression of the relationship though. But just in case I don't want to be left dependent on him for happiness. I've been through that and it leads to a horrible break up.
Other news I have been talking to a few of my ex's. One guy and two girls to figure things out, they know me better than I know myself. So far all I have learned is its odd that I am with a guy now because everyone expects me to just be a straight up lesbian by this point. I'm not going to lie, I thought I was just a lesbian until I met Michael. He's the first guy I have been in love with. And the first guy I have really cared about more than sexually. There's something special and I just can't put my finger on it.
Good news, my Momma is coming to visit me this weekend. AND she is taking me shopping because since last summer/spring I have gone up two sizes so I get all new clothes.
The funny thing is last summer I was essentially still able to wear kids sizes seeing as I was a 00/0 with no boobs or anything. Now I am two sizes bigger and have a D cup. I am finally looking like a lady and not a little girl. I think it has a lot to do with I am actually eating now that I can eat a vegan diet. When I lived at home I wasn't allowed to be a vegetarian so I basically ate very little as a way to avoid all meat and stuff. My school has good vegan food so I am finally able to eat guilt free.
I keep forgetting to call my photographer to set up a photoshoot. I would do that now but I am waiting for a phone call and need to stop procrastinating my paper. Tomorrow I am free all day so that will give me time to call and talk as long as need. Be on the lookout for a new set soon. This time I will be looking a bit different though, my natural brown hair and barely any hair at all.
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