rhiannac

Well, it's over. Bryce came over tonight after his "doctor's appointment", wanting to see me- basically to fuck. He tried to put the moves on me while I asked him about his appointment but I decided I'd better stand up for myself and see what was going on for once. After a lot of questioning, he finally told me he'd been bailing on me all the time because it just wasn't working anyone. Apparently he feels like our relationship was just sexual and nothing else, despite how many times he told me he "loves" me.

Why is it that men have to always go for your sore spots? They seem to know intuitively that if they tell you they love you and make you feel special for a little while that you'll give them your heart and more. It's been a long time since I've been a virgin but it still matters that he seems to have used me for sex. It's almost like emotional rape somehow, even though it's completely willing and incredible at the time.

I'm not really upset yet. I'm not sure I ever will be. Mostly I feel used and angry. I'm also wondering how I'm going to deal with seeing him all the time since he lives so close to me and all our friends know each other. I guess I'll just try and ignore him for now.

Tonight (Friday now), I'm going to go out and burn off some of the anger with Jamie and her friends at Mantra. since I have a standing invitation to party with them and they're usually great for blowing off steam with.

I think I'm going to go smoke a clove on the balcony and go to bed. Maybe drown my sorrows in some Elbow (band.)

Later