everyone's life is a universe, all it's own.
we will never fully understand one another;
each other's pain, each other's pleasure...
but we can try
and in that sense we can be there for one another and in rare circumstances consider one another "friends".
"friends",
i have never taken the term lightly.
there are those of you who have had friends since youth. some only for a few years. and those of you who have never had friends in the modern day sense of the word; only in the songs of authors, poets, and musicians have you found them. no option is right nor wrong. no friendship is any more or less valuable.
i feel that i, and many of you, have a unique circumstance in which we have never physically met our dearest friends. and yet, these friendships are stronger, in some cases, than any we will ever know.
i want to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for listening to me for all of these years. i have put forth many mindless ramblings, many spills of emotion from the depths of my soul, many stories seemingly irrelevant but so meaningful to me, poems, details, show goings and travels, placements of clouds and detail of precious scents and dust particles composed of the skin cells of those i have most loved, floating before my eyes as i lay naked in bed sipping coffee and musing...
well, these will be my last words, here.
amongst them all, i just want to be remembered these three:
i love you.
i do.
i never use the phrase loosely and i have used it very, very sparingly in life.
but to you out there who have been with me for the past decade i mean it with all my heart. and if you know me, you know my heart is not a place which expresses untruth.
you've been with me through high and low, love and loss, times of extreme sexuality and times of demure photographs of cozy sweaters and scrabble boards in the moonlight of rooftops in my past
and either way you have stuck around.
i thank you for all of that. every moment. for everything you gave to me and everything and anything you may have received from my years of words, music, and visuals frozen in time.
life.
i remain as baffled by it as i was from the day we began together.
i'm all alone as i often am, having a beer on my couch, and i cannot believe i am saying all of this. it is almost as if i am writing an obituary for the girl formerly known as rexx suicide, who you may from now on refer to as Heather. yes, that is my name. lover of metal, black coffee, bleak days, and classic literature.
reading: baudelaire
listening to: paradise lost
smelling: stale cigarette smoke upon my jacket
this, my truest and dearest friends, is how we part.
This is my final blog.
through our intimate years together i feel comfortable explaining very little. i hope and trust that you do understand.
you are all beautiful and i am sorry that this had to end.
i simply have nothing left to give to an establishment that i cannot respect.
this world is not my own.
it is not you, it is them.
but, you know this.
again, i love you. i mean it.
may all of your nights be savored and your dreams sweet as pixie sticks long enough to touch the sun...
<3 forever,
Rexxy
"...because no man can ever feel his own identity alright except his eyes be closed; as if darkness were indeed the proper element of our essences"
-herman melville
p.s. my store
