rexx

i guess i'm basically a fucking hobo.
i'm leaving for mexico with extremely minimal funds.
but what i have naturally can be made "enough".
my insurance dropped me because they are corpsefucking bastards.
i recieved many offers to buy my camera
which would solve not all, but alot of my current financial issues.
well i decided not to sell it.
i realize its the only thing i have of "worth" anymore.
of course i no longer have a savings account or anything of that nature.
all of that peaced out years ago
when i first started making spontaneous life changing decisions while on a boozing rampage
or under the influence of other mind altering drugs.
now that i am fucked up less often than not, i am still doing the same "crazy" and "irrational" decision making.
(apparently thats what the kids are calling it these days)
so, i guess thats a good sign.
a good sign of what, i don't know.
i'm moving into a house in the middle of nowhere upon my return.
with no food. no furniture. no money. and a part time job.
but thank god.
i now carry a bottle of sriracha in my purse.
along with a mostly empty wallet.
a book of matches.
a pack of smokes.
and a vanilla flavored chapstick.
i consider being broke a clean slate.
that way they are always plentiful.
the clean slates, that is.
i keep telling myself that i will get back "on my feet"
but i don't.
i should probably care about that.
but i don't.
i enjoy the liberation of floating with the consolation of firmly planted feet.
i don't know how this happens, but it does, and i am glad
otherwise i guess i would be a miserable fuck.
i watch msnbc news at work on closed captioning when there is no actual work to be done.
i see news about tent cities popping up on the west coast due to job loss and the "failing economy".
this is supposed to instill fear, worry, sorrow?
well, i found it comforting. resourceful. hopeful. beautiful, in a way.
i have been drinking a lot of hot tea and feel it is improving my mental clarity.
i'm ready to get this fucking show on the road.
change is happening alot and for the better.
but that doesn't make it any less overwhelming.
i just want to close my eyes and feel the sun and know that i'm drifting along,
separated from everyday life.
its always good. i leave alot these days.
but i just want more more more.
an extended fix.
the cure is near.
for a while, at least.
are you addicted?
this is alot of strange bullshit that i typed for some unknown reason and will replace tomorrow before i say goodbye to this stagnant town forever.
beginning with a path unwinding to the mexican border and nothing more to lose.
mountains hovering in the distance...
it has become a calming sight these days. pleasing to both the eye and mind.
however, i want to climb them.
at this point in life i'm not so much interested in the view from the top,
but more so in the climb in itself.
i should probably pack something other than nicotine and hot sauce soon.
just a thought.
i suppose that statement was a slight spritz of redundance
because after all,
isn't that what these all are?
just thoughts.


p.s. have i mentioned lately that i am fucking stoked?



FUCKING STOKED!

well, that's an understatement, really...