ugh. i feel like all i do is sleep. and work. i can't seem to get myself out of bed in the mornings. everyone in richmond is slowly starting to suck. or just disappear. i find it impossible to put faith in anyone these days.
i'm now being haunted by feelings of wanting to move back to pittsburgh...
why does this happen every time i leave? EVERY TIME!
read my previous blogs and you'll see various comments such as "i can't wait to get the fuck out of here" and "i'm never coming back to this godforsaken town" over and over for like....all of 2007/2008 haha.
i'm just so bored here. so bored. i'm so stressed out about everything in the upcoming weeks all i do is sleep. and wake up and go back to sleep. i can't even focus on reading a book or watching a movie and i feel like i'm completely wasting all of my days. my summer went to shit.
i came here to better myself and rather, i feel like its finally managed to suck the life out of me.
i'm tired of writing all these negative lame ass blogs but i feel like i'm suffering this extreme mindblock where i can't think beyond my current state of depression.
i hate my new job but i know i need to work and keep the same job for court purposes. i usually almost prefer hanging out by myself but i just feel lonely all the time and would rather poke and prod and mundane conversation with anyone who is out and about then sit around my house and sleep and eat cereal and stare at this mother fucking computer screen until i bore myself to sleep.
due to some unfortunate circumstances the other day which i'd rather not verbalize i feel that the void in my life now has become even deeper.
my best friend of all time, the one who i lived in virginia beach with and know that no matter what happens or how bad it gets i can call or go to pittsburgh and just grab coffee and beers and chain smoke and talk about life and things that actually matter and it will be ok. anyways...he is on a greyhound bus right now moving to california. we were planning on moving there so many times over the past 3 years and i'm so proud of him for FINALLY picking up his somewhat piece of shit habits and going west. i want to go so badly.
i just want to get out of this town. for even a weekend. but i can't. i'm used to being so carefee and wild and just drifting wherever the wind blows but now that i'm on probation i just feel chained down for the first time in my life. kind of like the tattoo on my left arm actually which i actually got to represent everything i NEVER wanted to happen to my life.
i'm at a loss. when i'm not sleeping too much or working i've been constantly surrounding myself with people but i feel more lonely than ever. i only have 3 days left of my alcohol probation right now so i'm really trying not to fuck that up....but i could definitly go for a beer right now.
i feel like such a depressing fuck ass lately. ugh.
i want to be here, there, or anywhere.
i'm now being haunted by feelings of wanting to move back to pittsburgh...
why does this happen every time i leave? EVERY TIME!
read my previous blogs and you'll see various comments such as "i can't wait to get the fuck out of here" and "i'm never coming back to this godforsaken town" over and over for like....all of 2007/2008 haha.
i'm just so bored here. so bored. i'm so stressed out about everything in the upcoming weeks all i do is sleep. and wake up and go back to sleep. i can't even focus on reading a book or watching a movie and i feel like i'm completely wasting all of my days. my summer went to shit.
i came here to better myself and rather, i feel like its finally managed to suck the life out of me.
i'm tired of writing all these negative lame ass blogs but i feel like i'm suffering this extreme mindblock where i can't think beyond my current state of depression.
i hate my new job but i know i need to work and keep the same job for court purposes. i usually almost prefer hanging out by myself but i just feel lonely all the time and would rather poke and prod and mundane conversation with anyone who is out and about then sit around my house and sleep and eat cereal and stare at this mother fucking computer screen until i bore myself to sleep.
due to some unfortunate circumstances the other day which i'd rather not verbalize i feel that the void in my life now has become even deeper.
my best friend of all time, the one who i lived in virginia beach with and know that no matter what happens or how bad it gets i can call or go to pittsburgh and just grab coffee and beers and chain smoke and talk about life and things that actually matter and it will be ok. anyways...he is on a greyhound bus right now moving to california. we were planning on moving there so many times over the past 3 years and i'm so proud of him for FINALLY picking up his somewhat piece of shit habits and going west. i want to go so badly.
i just want to get out of this town. for even a weekend. but i can't. i'm used to being so carefee and wild and just drifting wherever the wind blows but now that i'm on probation i just feel chained down for the first time in my life. kind of like the tattoo on my left arm actually which i actually got to represent everything i NEVER wanted to happen to my life.
i'm at a loss. when i'm not sleeping too much or working i've been constantly surrounding myself with people but i feel more lonely than ever. i only have 3 days left of my alcohol probation right now so i'm really trying not to fuck that up....but i could definitly go for a beer right now.
i feel like such a depressing fuck ass lately. ugh.
i want to be here, there, or anywhere.
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